Comedian

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Stolen Ideas and Chappelle

I normally don’t get too involved but the series of events leading up to this somehow seemed, meant to be but not in the good way.

They Stole Chappelle’s Show

Yesterday there was a video that Dave Chapelle put out on his Instagram from one of his now infamous Pandemic field shows. It was long and serious for the majority but like anything he puts out we watched all 18 minutes. He told a story of an older comic stealing his joke when he was just 15, he then told the intricate and complicated details of Chappelle’s Show and what happened. The way he talked about the contracts and people taking advantage of performers because none of us actually understand those contracts hit home and is something comedians are often worried about, although it rarely comes into play in the magnitude of Chappelle’s Show

His story is always going to be an amplified version of the rest of us but most working comics have some story like that. A TV taping where they own the clip of you from 10 years ago cannot be taken down or you see nothing of the profits for the clip of one of your favorite jokes that everyone knows and loves.

That happened to me. I did multiple TV tapings for a few different shows, made $100 when an episode would air, not paid for the taping and then when they decided to put it on YouTube/Facebook (and some clips have hundreds of thousands of views and some have millions) I get nothing. This stuff happens all the time. For that reason, a lot of people decided not to do a couple of the shows I did but they already had late night credits and resumes that I still don’t have.

It’s VERY easy to look back and go “oh, that’s stupid, why did you do that?” I’ll tell you why. The industry makes you feel like you’re worth nothing ON PURPOSE so that you won’t question them. I had never had a TV credit, the next person it happens to has never sold a show and Chappelle wasn’t famous like he is now until after he signed that contract. The thing that in the end fucks you over, is also what helped you start? It’s fucked up and the powers that be know that.

If he had just put it out on YouTube, especially at that time, even if he had miraculously had the money to make something of that quality without a network, it would not have been what it is. Basically what I’m saying is it is a constant double edged sword of ‘do I let people use me for what I have created to get the attention it deserves’ OR ‘do I do it myself and have it reach less people but retain my rights and the money it makes?’ I have literally read contracts and thought ‘I don’t know what that means but no one else seems to have a problem with it.’

Chappelle ends by asking people not to watch the thing he created, the thing that created him as we know him. I’m listening, I love that show, we used to get in trouble for watching the downloaded versions during math class in high school. I will not watch it and genuinely hope they pay him for it.

It’s his, it has his fucking name on it. They stole that from him.

I’m Doing It And It’s Not Working

I have created my own work, the way I wanted to, put it out where I could, I am the independent artist that people keep telling us to be. I won’t pretend that has been my choice but it has been my path. However, the same exact stand-up set that got over a million views is on my YouTube channel with 8.4% of that amount of views. Still the highest I have been paid for that set, I thought scoffing to myself. I got a grant to make a documentary series that I literally made no money on. I paid over $6,000 of my own money THIS YEAR to create the two albums and market them myself. Is it worth it? Creatively, I do think so. Financially, definitely not yet, I can tell you that.

I did the thing people are saying you are supposed to do. I made it myself, put out QUALITY that I am proud of, employed other small businesses and independent artists and I can guarantee you, it won’t do as well as if I had signed a stupid contract with someone who would take advantage of brilliant, hard work.

The Icing on the Stolen Cake

I finished two albums this year, yeah this year of all years. Two albums I have dreamed of completing for so long. First, my standup album “Mostly Finger Guns” went number one on iTunes, another dream come true. I won’t know the financial returns on that for three months but exciting none-the-less.

I have also created and am about to release a comedic guided meditation album called Chill, that I am incredibly excited about and proud of. Here is the icing on the cake, I didn’t do what Dave did. I did what the very popular rebellious comedians do, I did it myself. All by myself. I wrote and recorded the lyrics, I paid a fantastic composer (Jeremy Shabo) to create original music for each track, hired a guy who normally mixes blockbuster movies to mix half of the tracks, paid for the artwork, the marketing, the distribution to stores, I filmed and/or edited the videos myself. I want it to go number one as well, the first meditation album to do so and very quick turnaround to have two number ones albums, I want that.

It’s just not how it goes. This morning I woke up to make sure the video I had made to premiere the fourth track on the Chill album, “Family Time” was up on YouTube correctly. It looked fine until I stumbled upon another guided meditation that was to come out today. It was from a musician that I had reached out to and asked to be involved with this video. The musician was excited, loved the idea but travel got in the way and we couldn’t have them involved. Then somehow on the same day they put out a guided meditation about the same topic we had discussed? Cool, cool, cool.

I have spent the last two months looking for meditation groups online, podcasts, blogs that would be interested in posting about this album. A post on reddit about it was adorned with the first comment of “she? It can’t be funny if a woman made it.” IN A MEDITATION GROUP. I have become immune to the comments about my weight, my gray hair, my anything else but in a meditation group? Not to mention over 20 newspapers and magazines I e-mailed about both albums and not I can’t stop thinking about what those mean comments would be like, a girl can dream. They just won’t be funny dreams.

Here is My Whiny Little Point.

At the very core of this argument, I think deep down every person feels like the person responsible for creating, who starts it and who does the hard work of creating should be the person who reaps the rewards. How on earth, is it that the person who just happens to have a job at a network or agency can make more from something someone created than that actual person? No one knew we would be where we are now with Chappelle and it’s not about giving a rich man more money but I genuinely believe that the genius, as we all have deemed him, should be the one getting the reward.

I have said it, written it and lived the idea that we should be supporting artist now, finding who you like in the “minor-stream” and following them, buying their stuff, watching their videos. They could be the next huge thing or you could just be making a huge difference for them. It’s the same thing as going to a smaller college for more individual attention and smaller class numbers, it makes a much bigger difference when you show up.

Of course this is self-serving but did you think Dave Chappelle posting that video so people would boycott the show in order for him to get paid wasn’t? I absolutely want you to read this and think “I am going to support smaller comedians in their independent endeavors so they don’t get screwed over by contracts, Monica is one of my favorites, I’ll pre-order her meditation album ‘Chill’ right now by going to the iTunes store and searching her name.” Yes, that’s what I want you to think, will you do it? Based on Dave’s experience, people stealing my work and the numbers on the music video today, I won’t hold my breath.

Use this link to get the meditation album.

6 Easy Ways To Make 2017 THE BEST

New year, new you? How about same you with some new shit! If 2016 sucked here are some simple ways to make 2017 the best. I mean real simple. If 2016 was awesome, I can 100% guarantee that these simple additions to your life will make 2017 even better or your money back! What money? Exactly.

Here are 6 not-so-New Year’s resolutions to help you resolve problems you haven’t been paying attention to:

Stay Out Of It

Want to decrease the amount of conflict in your life? Stop talking. Studies show that 100% of people who reported involvement in arguments in 2016 initiated them by saying something. This trend seems to be connected to an increase in internet confidence and comment culture.

I’m not suggesting you never say anything, especially if there is some kind of injustice or something you feel strongly about, please speak your mind. It’s when it has nothing to do with you or has no benefit to either party that scientists are telling us getting involved leads to the most volatile arguing. Basically, if you feel like saying something mean to someone, especially if it’s about feeling an emotion that you think is invalid, just don’t.

We watch people say stupid things or have dumb ideas – like getting engaged – everyday. The smart ones know not to say anything that could lead to an argument because chances are they will figure out how dumb it is on their own.

Tacos

Eat tacos. It will absolutely make you happier and it is a food that has classic, gluten free, vegetarian and vegan options. Get them from a truck, stand or folding table outside your apartment if you are lucky. Every time you think you are going to lose it or get into an argument, take a walk, get a taco.

Get Self

This isn’t a Bow Flex commercial, I would be getting paid for that. However, I do think your body is the most intricate and important part of having a good year. If you are ill or in any kind of pain that’s what you remember about that year. Deep, deep down I don’t think people choose weight loss as a resolution because they want people to think they are hot. I think it is because you want to feel better all over, mental health included. We equate in-shape bodies with health and wellness but that’s not necessarily true. I do think exercise is a great way to feel better physically, help with body pains and relieve stress and anxiety. But if you are taking up exercise to hope that a tight bod will change your life based on other people’s reactions, you are doing it wrong. Most people are dicks because of their on insecurities anyway.

If you treat your total self, I’m talking physical, mental and spiritual (however you define it) health like the most important things to you, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing. In a real fitness study, it is proven that the healthiest people gain success by intrinsic motivation. I don’t think everyone should be body builders, in fact I advise against that, but I think you should be happy and feel good about your body and your mind. If you don’t feel those things let’s add some exercise, different foods and meditation (like the ones I put out monthly) to the mix. I guarantee there is no way those three things would make anything worse. Do it.

Finish The Guacamole

Eat whatever makes you feel good but if you haven’t tried homemade guacamole, you are going to have a rough year. Easy to make (I’ll send my recipe if you want) and avocados are a super food. Plus you are essentially tricking yourself into some of the best vegetables by putting them on chips. Finish it all. Yes it’s good for you but if you try and save it your guests will think you shit in a bowl and put it in the fridge, making for a tough rest of the year. Just finish it all.

Give To Charity

If for no other reason than to look like a nice person. Aside from the help you are actually providing to other humans and animals giving to charity will change your life on a personal level.

  • You will feel good about yourself because you helped someone.
  • You will absolutely get more dates and/or sexual favors because people will think you are a good person.
  • It is an easy way to repent for something you feel guilty about. Drink too much? Mean to the grocery store clerk? Make an offensive joke? Donate to a charity.
  • Celebrities do it all the time and they are supposed to be cool.
  • I have a podcast that not only talks about fun, silly, nice stuff on the weekly but also highlights a different charity each week that you may be interested in helping!

Do It

Whatever the thing is you want to do and always wanted to, do it. The small things or the big move. Let yourself be happy. It will be hard, you will question the choice and it will take some time but it will definitely be worth it. Set realistic goals, give yourself a time frame and do something you have been too afraid to do. Don’t wait t lose a family member or have a breakdown to be reminded you have a finite amount of time here. Whether you want to finally get a new job or take that long trip you always wanted, do it, you won’t regret doing it.

Some of you may be thinking these were really simple things that you already thought of – except the guacamole thing, you know you didn’t think of that – that’s kind of the point. These are the things we all know and should be doing anyway. I disguised my own resolutions as this blog post to help you. I do think adding one of these things or at least one more taco to your year will improve it immensely. Stop thinking about the year on this grand scale of politics and celebrity deaths. Get back to you, this year is your turn at the karaoke of life, IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU!

 

The Most Concerning Poll Results this ENTIRE Election!

The media tells us something different about the 2016 Presidential Election everyday. Clinton is winning today but Trump is winning tomorrow. The only information scarier than what the media is reporting is what they are not. There are things going on in our country and on an individual level that we are ignoring. Everyday our overall lack of self-awareness, the presence of self-hate and our inherent ability to just be mean to ourselves and one another are marching us closer to the end of times.debate1

At this point you are wondering what I am talking about. A week ago I took it upon myself to start a twitter poll asking one of the most important questions asked this year. The poll and results brought up some tremendous concerns on literal and figurative levels.

The Question

If time travel was possible and a future version of yourself returned to your current self and offered to go down on you, would you do it?

The Results:
twitter-poll
It was a tight race most of the time. Yes was up for quite awhile. Then No. Then Yes. Then No.

The Concern

First of all, there is a right answer. It is yes. The concern with the majority ending up swaying to the no side is that there is a blatant lack of self-love happening. If we can’t even love ourselves, how are we supposed to love anyone else? I have always said, why would I expect anyone else to want to have a box lunch or have sex with me if I wouldn’t consider it myself? Think about the product you are putting out there before criticizing other people for not wanting it. If you are confident in yourself, they will be drawn to you. Secondly, you don’t have to tell anyone. Even if you were embarrassed by kneeling at your own altar, which you shouldn’t be, you could 100% keep it a secret. I can’t even tell who voted for what on twitter unless you added a clever disclaimer. My initial thought is if you are afraid to say yes for some feeling of shame, there is probably another list of things you are hiding. Finally, since it is hypothetical at this point you get to pick what version of yourself it is. You can get your shit together, you can be the body type or personality type you want to be and then be rewarded for the work you have yet to put into that body. If you are having issues with your own confidence you get to make your future self who you want to be, which is a fun exercise. What can you add to your life to allow yourself time travel self pleasure?

Great Points by Voters

Much like the election, the poll led to some points that I hadn’t even thought of from both sides. Some had concerns about what their future self might look like:

Although I had not considered that, I figured it is a hypothetical and you can make yourself as hot as you want. Which brings us back to the original point of lacking self worth. You can make your body however you want it in a fantasy, the second guy wanted a bigger version of himself. You get to chose how hot you are but your negative thoughts about yourself aren’t allowing you to do that. Others nailed this part:

I didn’t necessarily mean for it to be a divisive question and was honestly prepared for people to be full of humor and self love and say yes. However, some people were just as appalled as I was and let us know their reasons:

The Flaws

There are a few flaws in the process:

  1. Small voter turnout. It is a known political science statistic that results stop varying after a sample size of 1,200 votes are taken, which was well off from 53 voters in this poll.
  2. Voter requirements. Although advertised on other social media outlets, the voter must have had a twitter account to be able to participate in the poll, leaving many unable to vote.
  3. Potential voter fraud. There was one conservative voter than was very unhappy with the idea that people may want to say yes to themselves and after leaving the polling headquarters to go hang out with a group of registered but uncounted voters the numbers jumped up on the no side.

I am not saying the results would be different had these flaws been addressed but it may be worth trying again.

The Election

What does this have to do with current Presidential Election that will wrap up in just a matter of days? So much. We have spent the last year compiling reasons why we hate each of the candidates and letting those drops of hatred creep into our feelings for one another and based on this poll our feelings for ourselves. The fact that every single one of us does not shout “YES!” when asked if we would let our future self go down on us is a sad reflection of what we think the future holds for healthcare, education, science programs and equality in our nation. If we can’t be confident enough in the United States of America’s ability to provide healthcare affordable enough that all of our futures include a healthy and attractive body to visit the southern regions, an America with an education system that promotes self worth and love, science programs that make this scenario less hypothetical and more realistic or provide an environment where people of any race, religion, socio-economic background, mental health, gender or sexual orientation feel confident in who they are and comfortable enough with themselves that they feel excited about letting their time traveling clone go to work downstairs then I think we are in far more trouble than we realized.

The moral of the story is that we need to vote, for the best interest of ourselves and upholding the important things we hold dear to each of us. You should be number one on your list all the time, you’re great. The other important part to realize is that this was just another perfect example of how my freedom of speech allowed me to use something so ridiculous to force my positive thoughts on you. I love you and it’s okay if you don’t like it. Here are two things you can do to help you get to “I love myself so  much I would go down on myself” levels of thinking:

Mellowing Out with Monica – November Meditation

listen to the HugLife Podcast (huglifepodcast.com) and buy a You’re Great shirt to remind yourself 🙂 Get it here.

youre-great-red

 

What is Lost

Here is the new website. I like it a lot and have worked on it hard in the last couple of days. Like all of the whole days. It’s beautiful, it has fun new pictures, my calendar is updated, they let me name the tabs (obviously) and you can send me messages on the Say Something Nice page! But gains cannot come without losses.

“It’s only when we have lost everything that we’re free to do anything” -Chuck Palahniuk

Yep, I can do whatever I want. Like quote Fight Club. Unfortunately, the beauty of the new website does come from the sad, sad loss of all of my blogs from the past. This one hurts the worst because I was very proud of some of the things I had recently written and was also in the process of writing a multi-part story about my birthday. I will have to start over, much like moving, am I right? Not going to do it.

“Everyone smiles with an invisible gun to their head” -Also, Chuck Palahniuk

Same book. Look forward to hearing from you.

Monica

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