Monica Nevi

Comedian

Tag: New Year

YOUR [SMART]Goals for 2018

Normally, when I post articles here I am sure to remind you that I don’t know what I’m talking about and these are just my ideas. However, this is much different because I have read upwards of six books since the last time I posted, so I’m much smarter now and goal setting is something I’m obsessive about.

I already have made an extensive list with detailed interim steps for my own goals this year and each morning I write a list of intentions. So, since I love it so much, I went ahead and wrote your goals for this year for you. I’m proud of you for choosing so wisely.

SMART GOALS

First, we’ll quickly discuss what SMART goals are and how I interpret them. If you look it up people will tell you that a SMART goal is one that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable or Action Oriented, Realistic or Relevant and Time-Bound. The answers will depend on which fucking adult worksheet you have looked up. This is a fine way to set goals if you have trouble thinking of things other than “my goal is to stop being a piece of shit.” For this, I have my own definition of SMART goals and since I wrote your goals for you, taking a quick glance over them might be a good idea.

S = Sexy

Your goals should be attractive. To you specifically. No one is excited to work hard for a goal they think they have to do to better themselves for other people. Everyone wants to be sexy for no reason, so think about the outcome of the outcome. “I work out everyday to maintain quality health”…. AND LOOK SEXY AS FUCK. “I budget my finances each month so I can afford special things I want” … LIKE VACATIONS ON SEXY BEACHES OR MASSAGES.

M=Manageable

Successful people know what is important to achieving their goals and how to delegate everything else. Make sure you set goals that you can focus on and stop worrying about other people’s bullshit and opinions. If you want it and you can manage focusing on it, you got it.

A=Artistic

Be creative. All the time. Just because you haven’t been calling yourself an artist up until now doesn’t mean you can’t get creative with your goals and what you spend your successes on. Get weird, it makes everything so much better.

R=Realistic

I keep this one on here to define what realistic is. You’re reality is different than mine, so whatever you see feasible and able to fit in yours, is real. Optimism and reality are not separate things, it’s your reality so make it the best you can. No matter what you choose to focus on, make it perfect and when someone says ‘oh, come on be realistic’ simply reply ‘I am, fuck you.’

T=Trust

This is the hardest one mostly because we have gotten locked in the idea we shouldn’t trust anyone and that authenticity is dead. That’s not the case. The very first person you should trust is yourself and that’s what this is about. Trust that what you choose to focus on as a goal is what you truly want for yourself. Trust that all the hard work you are doing works. Trust your heart. Trust that you deserve and will attain these goal.

Here Are Your 2018 Goals

Unconditional Gratitude

You are grateful for everything you have and are given. Every step you take this year, no matter how tiny, is worth viewing through wonderment. It is wonderful that you got a new job, it is also wonderful that someone delivers a paper to your door and wonderful that people liked your Instagram post. Every little part is amazing. This is part of being present in the moment, as you appreciate what is happening you are aware of it completely. Valuing things, people and showing appreciation is a very attractive quality.

“I list things that I am grateful for at the same time everyday in 2018”

Eliminate Comparisons

Other people are going to disagree with your choices or judge you but that is based in fear and actually has nothing to do with you. In that same vein you don’t judge other people for what they are choosing to do. It’s a waste of time and energy on both sides. Your happiness and your goals are the only thing you are concerned with and anyone who is comparing themselves to anything else is simply afraid to let themselves be happy.

“I am happy and excited about my life in 2018”

Bravery

The opposite of fear. Fear, worry and guilt are the most useless wastes of time ever. You poison yourself with stress worrying and fearing things that are never going to happen or be as bad as you think. You poison yourself feeling guilty over things you cannot change, that have already happened.

You are brave, fearless and confident. People talk about confidence being the best thing in the world, something they admire. Confident people have no concept of fear or worry. They are not threatened by the unknown because they know it is limitless, it can be as good as possibly imagined.

“I am brave and embrace the vast possibilities of the unknown in 2018”

Growth

This is how you know you are alive. Just by setting these goals and examining what you want to improve on, is growth. There isn’t really a right or wrong anything, there are just different answers. Through loss of loved ones and my work this year I have come to understand that there is no stopping growth, otherwise you are dead. Therefore, you pick the direction you want to grow in and just keep walking that way. Do whatever you want because you want to, it will always be a growing experience.

“I am constantly learning and growing from every experience I have in 2018”

Love

Love yourself. It becomes reflected in how you love other people when you can love yourself. Love yourself enough to enjoy what makes you happy. Love yourself enough to spend time with the people you want to. Love yourself enough to go out and achieve your goals. Love yourself enough to allow your top priority to be feeling good. Love yourself enough to find happiness in circumstances other people find insanity. Love yourself enough to radiate love and draw other wonderful people to you. Love yourself enough to come to Monica Nevi’s shows and allow yourself to laugh.

“I love myself and the people in my life so much that we go to Monica Nevi’s shows whenever possible in 2018”

I think those are great goals for every person, they are written in the present tense because you are already accepting that they are real right now, they are a part of how you work this year. No matter how 2017 was for you it is behind us now, you are free from whatever it did to you. 2018 is now and so are you! Remember that these are your goals and not mine so don’t expect me to be any nicer to you than I already am.

Author’s Notes: Having a positive outlook on the year does not mean there will not be difficulty and pain at some times, it simply means you can work through it easier. Feel your emotions, all of them but also know you can have everything that you want and you deserve it.

 

6 Easy Ways To Make 2017 THE BEST

New year, new you? How about same you with some new shit! If 2016 sucked here are some simple ways to make 2017 the best. I mean real simple. If 2016 was awesome, I can 100% guarantee that these simple additions to your life will make 2017 even better or your money back! What money? Exactly.

Here are 6 not-so-New Year’s resolutions to help you resolve problems you haven’t been paying attention to:

Stay Out Of It

Want to decrease the amount of conflict in your life? Stop talking. Studies show that 100% of people who reported involvement in arguments in 2016 initiated them by saying something. This trend seems to be connected to an increase in internet confidence and comment culture.

I’m not suggesting you never say anything, especially if there is some kind of injustice or something you feel strongly about, please speak your mind. It’s when it has nothing to do with you or has no benefit to either party that scientists are telling us getting involved leads to the most volatile arguing. Basically, if you feel like saying something mean to someone, especially if it’s about feeling an emotion that you think is invalid, just don’t.

We watch people say stupid things or have dumb ideas – like getting engaged – everyday. The smart ones know not to say anything that could lead to an argument because chances are they will figure out how dumb it is on their own.

Tacos

Eat tacos. It will absolutely make you happier and it is a food that has classic, gluten free, vegetarian and vegan options. Get them from a truck, stand or folding table outside your apartment if you are lucky. Every time you think you are going to lose it or get into an argument, take a walk, get a taco.

Get Self

This isn’t a Bow Flex commercial, I would be getting paid for that. However, I do think your body is the most intricate and important part of having a good year. If you are ill or in any kind of pain that’s what you remember about that year. Deep, deep down I don’t think people choose weight loss as a resolution because they want people to think they are hot. I think it is because you want to feel better all over, mental health included. We equate in-shape bodies with health and wellness but that’s not necessarily true. I do think exercise is a great way to feel better physically, help with body pains and relieve stress and anxiety. But if you are taking up exercise to hope that a tight bod will change your life based on other people’s reactions, you are doing it wrong. Most people are dicks because of their on insecurities anyway.

If you treat your total self, I’m talking physical, mental and spiritual (however you define it) health like the most important things to you, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing. In a real fitness study, it is proven that the healthiest people gain success by intrinsic motivation. I don’t think everyone should be body builders, in fact I advise against that, but I think you should be happy and feel good about your body and your mind. If you don’t feel those things let’s add some exercise, different foods and meditation (like the ones I put out monthly) to the mix. I guarantee there is no way those three things would make anything worse. Do it.

Finish The Guacamole

Eat whatever makes you feel good but if you haven’t tried homemade guacamole, you are going to have a rough year. Easy to make (I’ll send my recipe if you want) and avocados are a super food. Plus you are essentially tricking yourself into some of the best vegetables by putting them on chips. Finish it all. Yes it’s good for you but if you try and save it your guests will think you shit in a bowl and put it in the fridge, making for a tough rest of the year. Just finish it all.

Give To Charity

If for no other reason than to look like a nice person. Aside from the help you are actually providing to other humans and animals giving to charity will change your life on a personal level.

  • You will feel good about yourself because you helped someone.
  • You will absolutely get more dates and/or sexual favors because people will think you are a good person.
  • It is an easy way to repent for something you feel guilty about. Drink too much? Mean to the grocery store clerk? Make an offensive joke? Donate to a charity.
  • Celebrities do it all the time and they are supposed to be cool.
  • I have a podcast that not only talks about fun, silly, nice stuff on the weekly but also highlights a different charity each week that you may be interested in helping!

Do It

Whatever the thing is you want to do and always wanted to, do it. The small things or the big move. Let yourself be happy. It will be hard, you will question the choice and it will take some time but it will definitely be worth it. Set realistic goals, give yourself a time frame and do something you have been too afraid to do. Don’t wait t lose a family member or have a breakdown to be reminded you have a finite amount of time here. Whether you want to finally get a new job or take that long trip you always wanted, do it, you won’t regret doing it.

Some of you may be thinking these were really simple things that you already thought of – except the guacamole thing, you know you didn’t think of that – that’s kind of the point. These are the things we all know and should be doing anyway. I disguised my own resolutions as this blog post to help you. I do think adding one of these things or at least one more taco to your year will improve it immensely. Stop thinking about the year on this grand scale of politics and celebrity deaths. Get back to you, this year is your turn at the karaoke of life, IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU!

 

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