Tag: HugLife

YOUR [SMART]Goals for 2018

On January 3, 2018

Normally, when I post articles here I am sure to remind you that I don’t know what I’m talking about and these are just my ideas. However, this is much different because I have read upwards of six books since the last time I posted, so I’m much smarter now and goal setting is something I’m obsessive about.

I already have made an extensive list with detailed interim steps for my own goals this year and each morning I write a list of intentions. So, since I love it so much, I went ahead and wrote your goals for this year for you. I’m proud of you for choosing so wisely.

SMART GOALS

First, we’ll quickly discuss what SMART goals are and how I interpret them. If you look it up people will tell you that a SMART goal is one that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable or Action Oriented, Realistic or Relevant and Time-Bound. The answers will depend on which fucking adult worksheet you have looked up. This is a fine way to set goals if you have trouble thinking of things other than “my goal is to stop being a piece of shit.” For this, I have my own definition of SMART goals and since I wrote your goals for you, taking a quick glance over them might be a good idea.

S = Sexy

Your goals should be attractive. To you specifically. No one is excited to work hard for a goal they think they have to do to better themselves for other people. Everyone wants to be sexy for no reason, so think about the outcome of the outcome. “I work out everyday to maintain quality health”…. AND LOOK SEXY AS FUCK. “I budget my finances each month so I can afford special things I want” … LIKE VACATIONS ON SEXY BEACHES OR MASSAGES.

M=Manageable

Successful people know what is important to achieving their goals and how to delegate everything else. Make sure you set goals that you can focus on and stop worrying about other people’s bullshit and opinions. If you want it and you can manage focusing on it, you got it.

A=Artistic

Be creative. All the time. Just because you haven’t been calling yourself an artist up until now doesn’t mean you can’t get creative with your goals and what you spend your successes on. Get weird, it makes everything so much better.

R=Realistic

I keep this one on here to define what realistic is. You’re reality is different than mine, so whatever you see feasible and able to fit in yours, is real. Optimism and reality are not separate things, it’s your reality so make it the best you can. No matter what you choose to focus on, make it perfect and when someone says ‘oh, come on be realistic’ simply reply ‘I am, fuck you.’

T=Trust

This is the hardest one mostly because we have gotten locked in the idea we shouldn’t trust anyone and that authenticity is dead. That’s not the case. The very first person you should trust is yourself and that’s what this is about. Trust that what you choose to focus on as a goal is what you truly want for yourself. Trust that all the hard work you are doing works. Trust your heart. Trust that you deserve and will attain these goal.

Here Are Your 2018 Goals

Unconditional Gratitude

You are grateful for everything you have and are given. Every step you take this year, no matter how tiny, is worth viewing through wonderment. It is wonderful that you got a new job, it is also wonderful that someone delivers a paper to your door and wonderful that people liked your Instagram post. Every little part is amazing. This is part of being present in the moment, as you appreciate what is happening you are aware of it completely. Valuing things, people and showing appreciation is a very attractive quality.

“I list things that I am grateful for at the same time everyday in 2018”

Eliminate Comparisons

Other people are going to disagree with your choices or judge you but that is based in fear and actually has nothing to do with you. In that same vein you don’t judge other people for what they are choosing to do. It’s a waste of time and energy on both sides. Your happiness and your goals are the only thing you are concerned with and anyone who is comparing themselves to anything else is simply afraid to let themselves be happy.

“I am happy and excited about my life in 2018”

Bravery

The opposite of fear. Fear, worry and guilt are the most useless wastes of time ever. You poison yourself with stress worrying and fearing things that are never going to happen or be as bad as you think. You poison yourself feeling guilty over things you cannot change, that have already happened.

You are brave, fearless and confident. People talk about confidence being the best thing in the world, something they admire. Confident people have no concept of fear or worry. They are not threatened by the unknown because they know it is limitless, it can be as good as possibly imagined.

“I am brave and embrace the vast possibilities of the unknown in 2018”

Growth

This is how you know you are alive. Just by setting these goals and examining what you want to improve on, is growth. There isn’t really a right or wrong anything, there are just different answers. Through loss of loved ones and my work this year I have come to understand that there is no stopping growth, otherwise you are dead. Therefore, you pick the direction you want to grow in and just keep walking that way. Do whatever you want because you want to, it will always be a growing experience.

“I am constantly learning and growing from every experience I have in 2018”

Love

Love yourself. It becomes reflected in how you love other people when you can love yourself. Love yourself enough to enjoy what makes you happy. Love yourself enough to spend time with the people you want to. Love yourself enough to go out and achieve your goals. Love yourself enough to allow your top priority to be feeling good. Love yourself enough to find happiness in circumstances other people find insanity. Love yourself enough to radiate love and draw other wonderful people to you. Love yourself enough to come to Monica Nevi’s shows and allow yourself to laugh.

“I love myself and the people in my life so much that we go to Monica Nevi’s shows whenever possible in 2018”

I think those are great goals for every person, they are written in the present tense because you are already accepting that they are real right now, they are a part of how you work this year. No matter how 2017 was for you it is behind us now, you are free from whatever it did to you. 2018 is now and so are you! Remember that these are your goals and not mine so don’t expect me to be any nicer to you than I already am.

Author’s Notes: Having a positive outlook on the year does not mean there will not be difficulty and pain at some times, it simply means you can work through it easier. Feel your emotions, all of them but also know you can have everything that you want and you deserve it.

Our Team

By Monica Nevi

On May 26, 2016

In Blog Entry

It is known about me that I don’t usually show extreme emotions but there is one thing that is fail proof to make me cry liquid drops of anger and that is blatant acts of hate. Not even just towards me, I’m a white woman so upon first glance people may assume I fear brown skin and run a charity for cancer. Not true but I do donate. This post has taken me numerous days to write and rewrite because of many extreme emotions. The following is lacking humor and prompted by a horrific story of the actions of some high school football players in Idaho. This story left me in tears and in emotional shambles over the last few days. These are things I have been meaning to say for a long time. This is for EVERYONE to read, people who agree with me, people who are on the fence and especially people who disagree with this.

You Don’t Need a Reason

Why do social justice issues make me more frustrated than anything else in the world? Some people chalk it up to my background. Sure, I grew up as a white girl who liked to play sports and hang out with the boys and those boys happened to be a mixture of different races than myself. I have a diverse family and come from a diverse area that allowed me to build relationships with people from all different races, religions, family dynamics, peers and authority figures alike. So much so that it became impossible to use uncontrollable differences as a reason to dislike someone because then I would be left with no friends. Yes, I played a sport that allowed me to meet and build life-long friendships with all different kinds of women and men also interested or in love with basketball. Then for 7 years I worked with kids of every different backgrounds in different areas of the Northwest. I assure you those are NOT the reasons I don’t hate people.

I once mentioned to a peer-who was white-that I had started doing jokes about my brother on stage. For those who are unaware, I have an older half-brother who is mixed race, half African-American and half whatever mixture of white I get from my mother. She responded to the announcement of my new material about my brother with “oh good, that will explain to the audience why you are the way you are.” I’m not sure I have ever been so angry and confused in my life. Here is a hot tip: you don’t need a reason not to be racist. You don’t have to explain why you aren’t full of hate. You don’t need to justify why you are not a piece of shit. Feel free to be a good accepting person without a back story of why. You can just do that. It’s allowed and welcomed. If you stand up for an injustice, it doesn’t have to be because you know someone who that could happen to. You can just support justice. I don’t know your struggle and you don’t know mine, but you can still empathize with the possession of a struggle. I don’t know what it is like to be a gay man, black woman or someone who was born in the wrong body but I can see how that would be difficult and I can acknowledge you and your pain. I can offer to help or just treat you like a human being. I don’t have to be bleeding to give someone a bandage from the box I keep in my backpack.

Fear

I understand the fear of something different and something new, but pushing past those fears are the only way to expand your life or find success in any way. No one asks you why you would try sushi if your parents didn’t make sushi at home, but that can still be your favorite food. No one asks what happened in your childhood if you decide you want to go sky diving for the first time, just strap up. You don’t need to tell the gate attendant “it’s okay, because my cousin is gay” when you board your first airplane ride ever. You should apply for the job you are qualified for regardless of how many people “like you” are or aren’t in that industry. You can be afraid and still do things you should be doing. You don’t have to have an excuse for those things and it is no different with people! Why do I cry every time I read about a woman getting murdered walking home from work or high school kids threatening or attacking the few minority students that go to their school? Well I don’t have to explain that either, but it hurts me down to my core because I feel for other human beings.

Our Team

Why are people so hateful? How can someone hate something so much that it projects onto a person who had nothing to do with them in the first place? You may not understand or think I need some excuse for why my life has always been based on the inclusion of every type of person, but I too need some clarification. How can someone hate anything so much, let alone solely based on their outward differences that would lead them as far as physically harming or even killing someone? It keeps me awake at night. I worry about my friends’ children and how they are going to be treated throughout their lives. I worry about the people in my life and how others are treating them. In every horrific news report I read I see someone I love in those headlines and it’s painfully scary. I see myself in the stories and feel so deeply for the victims and their families. It makes me so sick to my stomach, I can’t talk about it without crying, which really adds some time on writing something when it is through tears.

I don’t need to tell you how many friends of different races or religions or orientations I have so I can prove to have some perspective because they are just my friends. They’re not a fucking category. I’m more than blessed to have so many people in my life that have shown me so many different, beautiful things about the world. That invited me and my family to their homes, took me to their churches with them, took me out to their favorite bars knowing perfectly well I was different. Just because someone else has not been blessed with diversity that I have doesn’t mean that should turn into hate. I am embarrassed and ashamed and I honestly pity those who let such a trivial and rooted hatred compel them enough to act on it outwardly. Hate is a waste of time and energy.

I struggle constantly with how institutionalized and structural most of our social barriers are, let alone still having to be consumed by the hatred of individuals. America is an Anglo based country and as much as people think amending the language of the past changes the present, it doesn’t. If you vary at all from a white Anglo male, there is some type of obstacle that is embedded in society for you. Some far bigger than others. However, cis-gendered, white, straight male is the golden ticket. It’s infuriating enough that many white men can deny their privilege, but to then take a step to harm someone because they are so full of hate, keeps me and I’m sure a million other people awake at night. Save your comments about it not being all white dudes, we know. Just being a person of privilege that acknowledges that and doesn’t treat people poorly is not enough. You need to be mad, you need to be on our team, you are the only thing that is going to promote awareness among the privileged that don’t accept it. It bothers me everyday that when people see me they group me in with the insensitive and unaware, but I get it. Why take a chance? That chance could very well hurt you in irreversible ways. We have to do something, we have to be vocal, we have to be a team. Hate and sex crimes HAVE to be reported and convicted, expand your social groups, help people less fortunate than yourselves and stop telling people Monica Nevi doesn’t like it when people use racial slurs because her brother is black. I don’t need a reason. That’s not my reason. I don’t like hate speech because I don’t find comfort in anyone else’s pain.

What’s Next?

I hope in my heart of hearts there are way more people with this mindset than not, but I fear everyday that I am wrong. If you love yourself you can love other people. You can find connection in life with anyone. Which leads me to believe if you hate others you must also hate yourself. We are far more alike than we give ourselves credit for. You have to be vocal. Intervention is the most important step. If you see something happening, stop it. Why would football coaches let a young, disabled, black student get raped in the locker room? Silence is just as dangerous.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” – Dr. Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.

If you have questions I will be on my soap box, flipping through MLK quotes trying to calm my emotions.