Tag: Donald Trump

I’ve Been Told to be Quiet

On November 9, 2016

Disclaimer: I did not open this beer at 10 am. It was still open from last night and I just started drinking it again at 10 am. Please direct your concerns by writing them on naked pictures of yourself and sending them to my SnapChat (MonicaNevi).

I have been told to be quiet. If you know me, have read me, have seen me on stage you know that is a ridiculous request as I am an extremely quiet person. What I have really been told is to give up. Well, I am not going to do that. Last night we elected Donald Trump as our 45th President, and I want to apologize now for relentlessly using the r-word. I’m sure you have seen your friends or liberal counterparts posting how upset they are about this decision. Maybe you are just as upset. This post is to air the pain and call you to action for what comes next.

Here is what hurts: the fact that someone who has blatantly projected hate onto all of us, is who we put in office because we are dumb. No matter who you are, a person of color, a woman, a gay person, an immigrant, a poor person- Trump thinks you are literally a lesser person than he is. And we just told him he was right. We told every person of color their lives don’t matter. Told every immigrant we do think they are a terrorist or rapist. Told every person in the LGBTQ community they do not count. We just told every woman and every little girl to be quiet and every little boy that they can get away with silencing us. We just told mental illness to go find something else to worry about. We just checked the box that told every sexual assault victim that they deserved it or were asking for it. And we just put a gun to the head of progress and equality and told it to back the fuck up.

I have amazing parents: a mother stronger than any woman I have ever met and a father that would save the world if he was the standard for men in our country. They always told me I could be whatever I wanted and taught me how to love and respect every single other person. But still I have been taught my entire life by everyone else to be quiet. Don’t cause a scene, don’t have an opinion, just go with it. Boys, particularly white boys, have always been taught that they can do whatever they want and it is the sign of a real man to never take no for an answer. Not only CAN they do or have whatever they want but they DESERVE it, just for being a man. I fight everyday in every way I possibly can, hoping that this is not true or that I too am just as deserving of the things I want. Last night that was violently shoved down my throat and it was not consensual. This was all too apparent by Hillary’s concession speech. Her speech was full of dignity, grace and hope. She talked about giving Trump a chance, never giving up in fighting for what you think is right and how she is still proud to be an American… she went quietly! What the fuck! It was an amazing speech, made me cry harder than I already had been but that’s a forcefully obvious example of how society has oppressed women so much that even when we get as close as we can get to that glass ceiling, we still do it quietly. Bitch, you better throw something! I would like us all to take a deep breath and imagine the shit storm that would have been unleashed had he lost.

There is a long list of fundamental flaws in our society, that I harbor extreme embarrassment over, but this is the one I can change. I had to text my brother this morning and tell him to be careful because there will be an increase in violence against minorities; why would I ever have to send that? I’m not going to be quiet anymore, I know I am more than capable of doing the things I want to do. I know for a fact my version of America, the one where we love and support each other and there is no violence or hate, is the correct America. Stop treading lightly and start barking loudly. The only reason people listen to the NRA or the KKK is because they are inflamed, they make noise. Let’s make some fucking noise.

Hillary had to play nice so she could stay on both sides. We do not. We can be a Bernie Sanders-type heavy progressive people that are ready for exactly what we have been looking for. Either we get the equality and peace we have been asking for, or we take this whole motherfucking thing down. We don’t play quietly. We play hard and we play to win.

I thought to myself the other day, as I have many times, “I have been through so much trauma and bullshit, a reward is coming soon right? It has to.” I am terrified that I have started to accept that’s not how it works. We have been fed this idea that if we work hard and do what we are supposed to we will be rewarded and happy but that is not true. That’s a distraction. Most of us have had some shit happen in our lives. Terrible, traumatizing shit and WE DESERVE to get what we want for once. We didn’t do it last night but you bet your life there is a fire. A fire started in me and you and everyone who cares about anyone.

Before you start your comment about how I am a cunt, I know not ALL straight, white men are shitty, entitled people. I know that for sure because I have some amazing versions of them in my life, the best versions. My father is the best version of a straight white man. I have dated great version of this man and I have loved many more amazing versions of the men that will make the difference because they are on our side. One of my roommates took our recycling in this morning – while I cried in my bedroom – and then gave me the $5 from it, in what I can only assume is a gesture of his devotion to closing the wage gap. I know that not all straight white men are bad, but some are rapists. We picked the worst of them to be in charge- Donald Trump is the Brock Turner of orange people.

As you watch the strongest, smartest and best women, LGBTQ, immigrant and people of color cry today realize the severity of what we just did and then realize the severity of what we have to do next. It has to be a massacre, a flood, an all-encompassing storm of love, passion and understanding. There are more of us on the same side than we realize, just barely the majority (the electoral college can suck my balls). As we stay seated on the couch amidst this house fire we started in our own home, I have concluded the only way to do anything about it is to come together. There are more of us that care about each other and our differences than the ones who hate. Sure, you didn’t all make it to the polls, or wrote in Hamarabe and literally threw our country to the bigots but nonetheless there is a fire started. I get it, you did it to start the revolution. I thought that’s what the creepy clowns were but no. It is the creepy president. It has started, be loud, say what you want and when they try to keep you quiet, that just means you are doing it right.

For every tear that falls today, every student that walks out and every parent that explains to their kid there will always be hope, there will always be a movement: I’m glad you are here. My mom has always said the 60’s were a cool time. Janis Joplin lives again.

Well That’s Debatable – Virginia Vice

By Monica Nevi

On October 5, 2016

In Blog Entry

If you did not have the time or emotional strength to make it through the Vice Presidential debate between Governor Mike Pence and Senator Tim Kaine you should feel confident that no one blames you. Also, don’t worry I watched it for you and I think I have crafted a literary experience that will take through similar emotions in a shorter amount of time.

Come with me on a quick journey through the awkward and at times confusing experience that was the Vice Presidential Debate. In order to illustrate this I have written a short story which both you and I are involved in.

The Setting

Imagine we are friends. We’re young, extremely attractive and dragged to a dinner party in a neighborhood far above my parents living wages but they said we had to go along. We arrive at a nice house but there are few other people our age there. Immediately when we enter the house there is an palpable strain, as if everyone knows something very tense that we do not, like something had happened before. This is where our story begins.

The Beginning

We enter the house with my parents. The owner of the house, Elaine, greets us cheerfully and takes our coats. Although she comes off very friendly and beautiful there is a nervous aura to her actions. We turn to each other with a look that says ‘shit is about to go down.’ We enter the kitchen on our path to the main party area but instead of following my parents we tell them we are going to check out the food situation and we will meet them out there. Here is where we find our spirit guide in this journey, my drunk aunt that tells it exactly like it is.

We were right, some shit had gone down. DJ Cool Dad (Tim Kaine) and Papa (Mike Pence) are about to go head to head. The tension is so high because only a week ago, DJ Cool Dad slept with Papa’s wife and he won’t stop smiling about it. He arrived at the party on his high horse, feeling confident because his link to this woman has given him more power than he could have imagined. Everyone is attempting to navigating around the inevitable explosions. As the guests gather in the living room we are not sure what is going to happen but we have a moderate feeling it could be interesting.

The Battle

You and I finally enter living room area and find a seat where we can get a good look at DJ Cool Dad and Papa, as they have now sat at the same table. Elaine is in between them, seemingly ready to get a civil conversation started. We know that Elaine has not been the subject of any of their sexual escapades… yet.

As the conversation gets started it seems rehearsed and polished, as if they knew the other was going to be there. However, as the answers get longer, the sassy retorts get less and less subtle. A couple jokes about Papa’s boss’s former job on a reality show, fun at first but we are both ready for someone to dig deeper. This is the only thing that is supposed to keep our attention at this party and we have yet to be impressed.

The enjoyable part about Papa is although he is supposed to be on the receiving end of this beating he stayed very calm, actually setting the stage for DJ Cool Dad to come off as annoying and over-zealous. Now we are feeling irritated by the whole thing. Nothing too juicy is really surfacing, we heard a lot of this from my aunt in the kitchen over and over because she is drunk. The reality of the snide remarks and the facial expressions keep us interested. DJ Cool Dad has impeccable side eye and Papa’s calm demeanor let’s him stay unfazed even though the history of his situation has left him digging out of a hole. Maybe he is drunk? Maybe he doesn’t know all the information about what is going on? Or maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t actually care?

As the argument gets heated and DJ Cool Dad gets more and more annoying we begin to get the feeling that although calm, Papa has been involved in some real questionable shit in his past. There are some very catty exchanges, they continually interrupt each other as they lay down the attacks on each other. It holds our attention because we are afraid of missing something epic but the meat of it all is stuff my drunk aunt has known for weeks. It’s getting annoying but there are a few moments where you, me and the other onlookers are like: ooooo-andy

The Aftermath

To end the whole argument we finally get to hear what we think might be a pointed question to the two men involved. We are excited at the potential to hear how they feel about a topic sans references to outside influences. Elaine leans in and asks about their faith and what that means for the whole situation they are in. Cheating? Supporting war? Lying? No let’s get involved in the decisions that women should or should not be able to make. Then DJ Cool Dad comes in with a mic droppers and says “hey Papa, why don’t you trust women?” OOOOOOOOO. You and I back out like: hands-up

The Summary

Honestly, reading that story was way more fun than what actually happened. They talked a lot about the terrible things each of their running mates had done, very little about their backgrounds and what they might bring to the table and gave us an insight into whatever their annoying tendencies might be. Nobody really did anything. Tim Kaine proved capable and qualified enough to be a sidekick and Mike Pence proved to be supportive enough of Trump’s crazy all while bringing a very balancing temperament.

The most interesting and intense part was the faith based talk about abortions. Tim Kaine said the very quotable “why don’t you trust women” and Mike Pence actually made sense when he said “if you are going to be pro-life you have to be pro-adoption.” Other than that nothing new really happened but you could get a fair idea of what we are getting attitude-wise from each Vice Presidential candidate.

At the end of our story we sneak off with the bottle of champagne my aunt passed out next to and becomes best friends while hiding our slight buzz from my parents. The general tension of the party has already subsided and we forgot why we were interested in the first place.

Moral of the story is Tim Kaine seems like a dad who is doing too much and Mike Pence seems like he would make all children call him Papa.

Wanna see me high on stage watch this:

Well That’s Debatable – The Unbiased Highlights from Debate #1

By Monica Nevi

On September 27, 2016

In Blog Entry

If you are like me, you do genuinely want what’s best for the future of the United States and the world. When it comes to the 2016 Presidential Election however, you are well aware of how ridiculous this political clown train (bigger than a clown car) has gotten and are looking for some fun highlights. We like sports and we like things simple because we are dumb. Here are the Debate Center Top Plays of the night! Amurica.

Some of you may be concerned because I have a history of laying left and I’m sure both sides are frustrated with the candidate bashing today but fear not. Whoever you are voting for, whoever you hate, whatever insecurities you are burying with anger toward politicians, throw them out the window. Here are the top 5 highlighted takeaways of the first presidential debate, no matter who you are:

debate1

1. Cat fight

It has been deemed one of the “fiercest” debates to date and I like fierce. There is so much pent up frustration and angst for both of these presidential candidates. No matter who you support you had to be ready for Mr. Donald Trump to talk the same way he has and interrupt everyone like the Republican Debates. What we did not expect was Hillary to get in there with some personal jabs too! Trump is not afraid to cut you off when he thinks you are saying something incorrect (or just disparaging) but for Hillary to slide in some comments and attacks about the economy being “Trump’d up” or him “living in his own reality” really increased the entertainment value of the whole thing and that’s what we Americans are into. Calm down ladies, it’s only the first round!

2. Wrong!

Any experience can be a learning experience and last night I learned if you don’t agree with something people are saying, you can just yell ‘wrong!’ or ‘no’ over them while they try and finish their statement. At the very least just shake your head hard enough or make faces that let the audience know whatever your opponent is saying, you disagree with. There is a value to this in regular life, if ever in an argument from now on I will just shake my head violently enough that I can’t even hear what bullshit they are telling me (because like you, I am always right) and move on accordingly.

They both did it.

3. First Gentleman

There are some people who really don’t like Bill Clinton, for the various reasons available that might lead one to that opinion. We just recently had some issues with Hillary’s health and questions about her being helped into a car when she looked like she was fainting. Well, ease your mind. If you don’t want Hillary because you don’t want to have Bill around again OR you are a Trump supporter you may be in luck, Bill looks like he is dying. If you haven’t been able to see any of the coverage lately Google will auto-fill “Bill Clinton…” with “has AIDS” so clearly his health is in question.

4. Lack of Sexuality

Luckily, for most Americans there were few jabs taken about looks or relationship histories. Hillary did touch on some of Trump’s treatment of women in the past but only on a broad level, nothing about his family. He only really attacked Bill as a president and not as a family man. No mention of his immigrant wife or multiple divorces and nothing about her husband’s infidelities or women of the past. She even wore a full red pants suit to divert any thoughts of a blue dress. I appreciated that but there is part of me that thinks maybe they are saving it up for another time.

5. Income Tax

No matter how you feel about Trump withholding his tax information, the controversy was on the table last night. Trump’s reasoning has been that he is being audited and cannot release them. We should all appreciate Lester Holt’s pressing of the issue and saying that he is definitely able to give that information during the audit. It seems it is another silly thing we are hung up on that is a simple fix of just sharing that information. However, the best part of this question was when Hillary called him out for not having paid his income taxes he interrupted her to say that he did not pay them because he is smart. Amazing. If you weren’t excited by that, you’re the robot. Smart people don’t have to pay income tax, I’m on board with that Don. Income tax might be the bane of most people’s existence, but our employers have to comply with the law, so there’s no use in us getting overly upset about it. In fact, we should feel some sympathy for those involved in sorting out the company payroll as it’s quite a gruelling task, certainly not one that I’d fancy giving a go. However, many businesses have been making use of what is known as an HRIS tool which streamlines the workload for those in human resources and helps to curtail the feeling of drowning in paperwork. It’s a wonder we ever did without it in business!
jedi-kitties

Those were the Top 5 highlights from the first 2016 Presidential Debate. I put a lot of effort into the unbiased part. If you didn’t watch the debates, good on you and now you know the most important parts that you missed. It is about entertainment, Bernie! It’s not about hope anymore so let’s get something out of it.

This debate was brought to you by Cocaine and Water: Cocaine and Water, it’s tremendous!

Also by Pant Suits: Pants Suits, cause you’re a lady.

Thank you for reading another silly article at monicanevi.com! A BUNCH OF EXCITING STUFF IS HAPPENING SOON! SIGN UP FOR MY E-MAIL LIST TO GET THE NEWS EARLY AND SPECIAL DEALS 🙂

I love you. We are going to be okay.