Monica Nevi

Comedian

Tag: Bill Clinton

Dear Monica, Love Monica: An Open Letter to Monica Lewinsky

By

On May 27, 2021

In Blog Entry

TW: Sexual Harassment/Assault, Mental Health

Below you will find a letter I wrote to Monica Lewinsky. I have been wanting to share it for awhile. My name is Monica too and not until recently have I reconsidered some of the feelings I had toward my name and the information we were given in 1998. I will not be going back over that information because you clearly have the internet. I was given a wish-list of guests for my podcast and Monica Lewinsky was the ultimate guest for me, so that I could apologize. Her representation politely declined and I understand why, as the theme of the podcast is sharing your worst ideas and if you’re Monica Lewinsky that seems like a trap. That was not my intention, it was simply to say these things:

Dear Ms. Monica Lewinsky,

Hey. What’s up?

My name is Monica, too. I was born in 1990 and over the past few years I have been wanting to write you this letter, or something like it, to apologize. Not for my being born but for my behavior and misunderstanding. I was eight when the whole thing went down in 1998. I was told it was your fault. We were all told it was all your fault and made to believe that things like that never happened.

What???? Cheating?!? Where? Dating your boss??? NEVER!

Meanwhile, my mother was my father’s boss. I literally do not exist if that hasn’t happened AT LEAST one other time.

Then the name, I love my name. I spent years after this introducing myself where, despite the popularity of Friends at the time, the only response was “Monica? Like Monica Lewinsky?” That made me so mad and I would respond with snark like “No, like any other Monica ever.” I know now that I didn’t know what I was saying then. I also rarely know what I’m saying now.

We were told it was all your fault, shown you as evil or naughty, in order to protect a dude in power. This would later become a dominating pattern in my life. Blame the subordinate person to protect the more powerful one. I didn’t know what I was saying, I was eight. Plus, it would be more than a FULL YEAR before I was sexually harassed or abused as a woman myself. Nine-year-old Monica may have seen things differently.

Then it stopped coming up, people forgot, at least on a daily basis. So I didn’t think about you and I’m sorry for that too. I saw your TED Talk, “The Price of Shame”, in 2016 and have really wanted to apologize since then. I saw you on John Oliver in 2019 as well and I’m embarrassed that I didn’t think about the situation differently until my later 20’s. So here it goes:

I’m so sorry that we only blamed you. I’m sorry for the blame, shame and disbelief. I’m sorry that we didn’t just understand. I’m sorry that I would get embarrassed or angry when someone would notice we have the same name. I’m sorry that these things happened to you.

You talked about being patient zero for cyberbullying and I agree 100%. We didn’t know what that meant or the unrelenting torture it causes. I wish we listened then, maybe we’d be farther ahead of it and better equipped to protect young people now.

I’m sorry for how all these things happened and the aftermath. I am not sorry that I have eventually grown enough to see another side. I feel like I have always had some understanding of it because I have been doing stand-up comedy for over 10 years and never once made a joke about it or you. Maybe that was fear of drawing attention back to it or that it would be hacky (cause it is and I’m not an old man).

I’m so happy you made it through that, no matter how long it would take. Anyone who can make it through hell, when it feels like giving up is the best option, is incredibly strong. You being here, speaking about it, giving a voice to people, is huge. As much as I wanted to apologize to you, I also want to thank you. I’m so glad you are here and vocal and I can follow you on Twitter, you are hilarious.

I hope you feel that this changes people and helps so many women (even those not named Monica) and people going through something earth-shattering. Thank you for still being here. Thank you for sharing and I hope you accept my apology. You will forever have a ticket at will-call to all of my shows.

Sincerely,

Monica. Yes, just like Lewinsky.

Thank you for reading. I would love for her to see it and appreciate you sharing it as I am tweeting it to her as well. If you have certain thoughts, disagreements or not-nice things to say please know that I do not care.

Well That’s Debatable – A Presidential #2

By

On October 10, 2016

In Blog Entry

Yes. The title is a poop joke. I figured it was necessary to set the tone for this short recap with the level of maturity we are dealing with. The second of the Presidential Debates between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is over and I will quickly give you the most important and ridiculous things that you missed. I am sincerely hoping you missed it because it was painful and I wish that pain on no human.

The Trump Tapes

We jumped right in. The first question was pertaining to the tape released Friday of Donald Trump saying some terrible things about women. If you haven’t heard it he basically said he kisses ladies without even asking and because he is a star he can do whatever he wants, ‘grab them by the pussy, anything.’ He apologized but he did take quite a dance when pressed about if he thought it was okay to treat women that way or if he had actually done those things. Anderson Cooper made an effort to illustrate that the things he said would be sexual assault. Trump passed it off as “locker room talk.” Be glad you didn’t watch it as this part grouped all men into being hate filled sexual deviants and made any vagina that was watching physically close up.

The impressive part of him not really denouncing what he said was that he was still able to work ISIS into this. In short he said he was sorry but ISIS is cutting people’s heads off so your pussies are for grabbing.

Mr. Clinton

Yes, the former President. In an attempt to redirect the heat from the tape, Trump held a conference with the “Bill Clinton Accusers” before the debate and then brought three women who had accused Mr. Clinton of sexual misconduct to the debate and sat them with the Trump family. Something he had threatened previously with the Gennifer Flowers rumor last debate. Although as humans we should be seriously concerned for any type of unwanted sexual conduct this was the equivalent of being in a fight and then saying “well my dad is rich.” Which no one is surprised Donald would do. She basically said it wasn’t true but really wanted to move forward to a topic that she would have been involved in. What Trump doesn’t realize is by continually bringing this up he is just putting Bill’s dick back in places it shouldn’t be. Which is exactly where he likes it.

Anderson Cooper and Martha Raddatz

There is a little leniency for the other moderators as they were definitely thrown into a fire storm all alone wearing flammable clothing but these two did by far the best. I would assume they were prepared for what was going to happen but I think anyone watching appreciated them really telling each candidate when their time was up (and it was up a lot) as well as multiple rephrasing or reiterating what the questions were about and how, usually Don, hadn’t answered them.  They pressed on some of the issues we are tired of hearing about and wanted the candidates to really answer the questions as well as stop fucking interrupting each other and the moderators. If I could vote for and Anderson – Raddatz ticket, I would.

Audience

It was the Town Hall meeting style debate where some undecided voters were able to ask questions directly to the candidates and the moderators could follow up as well. Not until the end of the debate did we get three questions that I thought were really going to bring some new discussions and answers. First, a woman asked about the Supreme Court vacancy and wanted to know what their thoughts were for that (Trump wants a Scalia cut out and Clinton wants someone who will uphold marriage equality and Roe v. Wade).

Then, Ken Bone – who everyone now wants to bone – asked a very pointed question about what happens next in the way of renewable energy sources while maintaining the jobs that some fossil fuel usage provide. Trump said we found more oil and coal, so he would stay focused on using those resources. Clinton said she sees renewable energy sources as the steps to take for the future and that she wants to bridge a movement between fossil fuels, natural gases and renewable energy and that those things will create jobs. I haven’t herd them talk about that much and I think the environment needs to be more central to this election. Way to go Ken.

Finally, Carl got to sneak one last question in and asked each candidate to say something they liked about the other. My HugLife ears perked right up, I want Carl on the podcast. I thought it was great. Hillary said Trump’s children were cool so he must have done something right with them, it was moderately backhanded. He said that Hillary is a fighter and won’t ever give up. It was actually kind of nice to see them say something that wasn’t terrible about the other one. Carl wins in my eyes.

The Bullet Points

A few other things happened that were enjoyable and by enjoyable I mean bearable.

  • Trump said something directly contradicting something his running mate Mike Pence said in the Vice Presidential Debate. Trump basically said he was wrong, Pence is pissed.
  • They did not shake hands at the beginning. It was awkward and tense and started everything out on the edge. I assume she didn’t want him to grab her pussy.
  • Russia. Trump said he didn’t know anything about Russia and then he said he did and it fostered this tweet that I am extremely proud of:

Overall if you love the juicy, catty, gossip and feeling like your parents are fighting at your birthday party you missed out! If you wanted to hear more about the policies and election topics there were a few new things that came in based on the audience questions but it was a lot of the same stuff and mostly sassy. No one actually said the P word though. I watched it for you and now I have to go eat a block of cheese or something.

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Well That’s Debatable – The Unbiased Highlights from Debate #1

By

On September 27, 2016

In Blog Entry

If you are like me, you do genuinely want what’s best for the future of the United States and the world. When it comes to the 2016 Presidential Election however, you are well aware of how ridiculous this political clown train (bigger than a clown car) has gotten and are looking for some fun highlights. We like sports and we like things simple because we are dumb. Here are the Debate Center Top Plays of the night! Amurica.

Some of you may be concerned because I have a history of laying left and I’m sure both sides are frustrated with the candidate bashing today but fear not. Whoever you are voting for, whoever you hate, whatever insecurities you are burying with anger toward politicians, throw them out the window. Here are the top 5 highlighted takeaways of the first presidential debate, no matter who you are:

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1. Cat fight

It has been deemed one of the “fiercest” debates to date and I like fierce. There is so much pent up frustration and angst for both of these presidential candidates. No matter who you support you had to be ready for Mr. Donald Trump to talk the same way he has and interrupt everyone like the Republican Debates. What we did not expect was Hillary to get in there with some personal jabs too! Trump is not afraid to cut you off when he thinks you are saying something incorrect (or just disparaging) but for Hillary to slide in some comments and attacks about the economy being “Trump’d up” or him “living in his own reality” really increased the entertainment value of the whole thing and that’s what we Americans are into. Calm down ladies, it’s only the first round!

2. Wrong!

Any experience can be a learning experience and last night I learned if you don’t agree with something people are saying, you can just yell ‘wrong!’ or ‘no’ over them while they try and finish their statement. At the very least just shake your head hard enough or make faces that let the audience know whatever your opponent is saying, you disagree with. There is a value to this in regular life, if ever in an argument from now on I will just shake my head violently enough that I can’t even hear what bullshit they are telling me (because like you, I am always right) and move on accordingly.

They both did it.

3. First Gentleman

There are some people who really don’t like Bill Clinton, for the various reasons available that might lead one to that opinion. We just recently had some issues with Hillary’s health and questions about her being helped into a car when she looked like she was fainting. Well, ease your mind. If you don’t want Hillary because you don’t want to have Bill around again OR you are a Trump supporter you may be in luck, Bill looks like he is dying. If you haven’t been able to see any of the coverage lately Google will auto-fill “Bill Clinton…” with “has AIDS” so clearly his health is in question.

4. Lack of Sexuality

Luckily, for most Americans there were few jabs taken about looks or relationship histories. Hillary did touch on some of Trump’s treatment of women in the past but only on a broad level, nothing about his family. He only really attacked Bill as a president and not as a family man. No mention of his immigrant wife or multiple divorces and nothing about her husband’s infidelities or women of the past. She even wore a full red pants suit to divert any thoughts of a blue dress. I appreciated that but there is part of me that thinks maybe they are saving it up for another time.

5. Income Tax

No matter how you feel about Trump withholding his tax information, the controversy was on the table last night. Trump’s reasoning has been that he is being audited and cannot release them. We should all appreciate Lester Holt’s pressing of the issue and saying that he is definitely able to give that information during the audit. It seems it is another silly thing we are hung up on that is a simple fix of just sharing that information. However, the best part of this question was when Hillary called him out for not having paid his income taxes he interrupted her to say that he did not pay them because he is smart. Amazing. If you weren’t excited by that, you’re the robot. Smart people don’t have to pay income tax, I’m on board with that Don. Income tax might be the bane of most people’s existence, but our employers have to comply with the law, so there’s no use in us getting overly upset about it. In fact, we should feel some sympathy for those involved in sorting out the company payroll as it’s quite a gruelling task, certainly not one that I’d fancy giving a go. However, many businesses have been making use of what is known as an HRIS tool which streamlines the workload for those in human resources and helps to curtail the feeling of drowning in paperwork. It’s a wonder we ever did without it in business!
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Those were the Top 5 highlights from the first 2016 Presidential Debate. I put a lot of effort into the unbiased part. If you didn’t watch the debates, good on you and now you know the most important parts that you missed. It is about entertainment, Bernie! It’s not about hope anymore so let’s get something out of it.

This debate was brought to you by Cocaine and Water: Cocaine and Water, it’s tremendous!

Also by Pant Suits: Pants Suits, cause you’re a lady.

Thank you for reading another silly article at monicanevi.com! A BUNCH OF EXCITING STUFF IS HAPPENING SOON! SIGN UP FOR MY E-MAIL LIST TO GET THE NEWS EARLY AND SPECIAL DEALS 🙂

I love you. We are going to be okay.

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