Tag: Comedy Page 1 of 3

This week sometime is my 10 year anniversary of doing standup comedy. I have done it every week since then. It is the second longest relationship I have ever had, basketball being the first. I know it was the second week of January but I do not know what day. I don’t know if I realized what it would turn into at the time and didn’t want to get ahead of myself by tattooing my standup birthday on my body. It has been the best decision I have ever made, even though it was scary at the time and very painful many subsequent days. The rewards and genuine joy I feel because of it will always outweigh the tough days, the doubt and the sacrifices that inherently come with doing something you truly dream.

How I Got Into Standup Comedy

If you ever become anything out of the ordinary choice of career paths people will forever ask you “how did you get into that?” Some are curious because it is something they might want to try. Some people are curious because they don’t quite understand how I could be doing what I’m doing. Some people are just curious and interested in other people’s lives, those are my favorite people. I’ll tell you the story.

I was an athlete, all the way through college. I played basketball. Up until I was 20 years old if someone asked me how I would identify myself I would have said ‘basketball player.’ I had a less than desirable Division I career and due to injury was forced to stop playing after my sophomore year. That changed my entire life.

I tend to leave this part out when people after shows look for a hopeful answer of how I started this seemingly glamorous career of performing in hotel bars. I started standup pretty soon after a full mental breakdown. I would say it was a combination of a pinch of clinical depression, dashes of unaddressed childhood trauma, a hefty pour of assault my freshman year and now losing the one thing in my life that I thought was good or I felt defined me. So, I broke completely which led to a month long stay in a recovery hospital.

Do I consider myself some sort of survivor because I was able to find something I love right after the worst time in my life? Yes, I also love the show Survivor. I mostly consider myself lucky.

I also keep that part of the story out normally because I refuse to buy into the sad clown stereotype. Standups are all depressed? Maybe we are depressed but we are not always sad. I also keep this part out because I don’t think that break is what led me to standup. I loved watching it my entire life and had been writing jokes for about two years before I ever got on stage.

Five months after this experience, I was ready to give it a try. I had searched ‘how to start standup’ so many times and I knew that in Seattle there were a couple of clubs that had a whole outline on how to do it. So I picked Giggles, yes the notorious Giggles. It was a Tuesday or Wednesday and I had planned to go and just watch. I heard an interview with Erin Foley about her first time and she said you should watch first.

I had a friend come with me and we parked and walked up and owner was outside putting stuff in a truck. We asked about the open mic and he informed us that the club was “rebranding” but would be back with open mics soon. That actually led to me pushing my start date back for another four months or so. It also led to infamous Jiggles days where that comedy club became a strip club. Don’t worry, it turned back into a comedy club and then closed. The space is now a different comedy club that hopefully comes back after this pandemic is over, in another 10 years.

Cut to the second week of January 2011, I had watched one open mic from the front row. The host had been talking to me afterwards and when I said I wanted to do standup he encouraged me to just come the next week. So I did. I had been practicing the same 3 minute set I thought I would do for a year. It was Laughs Comedy Spot in Kirkland, WA (at the time) and I did it. You were supposed to bring six people and I told him I brought four, really I brought zero. I was also not yet 21 and used a fake ID even though I didn’t have to for that establishment.

Lucky for me January is resolution-comic time. I did not consider myself one of these comics because of my intentions of starting earlier but this means great open mic audiences, full of people that aren’t waiting to go up and try their own dick jokes, real people. I had a great set. There were many nights after that I did not but that one was great. Sometimes I’m embarrassed, other times I’m proud that one of the jokes from that first night is on my album and on some of your underwear (I sold merch of a joke I told on my first open mic, years later). I wonder everyday what would have happened if that first night didn’t go well. I wonder if I had watched the Giggles open mic during the summer time if I would have been like ‘no way I’m doing that.’

I do think it all worked out the way it was supposed to, still waiting for some big, obvious, culminating sign but that’s my hopeless romantic side that is constantly waiting for pieces to click together and make sense. That’s how I got into standup comedy but that was very much just the beginning.

Years 2-8 of Standup Comedy

I have been told so many different things about the chronology of standup comedy. Here are some of the things I have heard:

You don’t really find your voice until seven years in. You know what you’re doing at 11 and you make it at 15.
There are different points where you feel like you know what you are doing and then you don’t really know until 11 years. At three and then again at seven you think you know what you’re doing but you don’t until 11.
Move to New York or LA after one year.

I won’t tell you who said those things because you won’t know who they are.

The only thing I have truly learned in standup comedy and through this industry is that no one knows what they are doing, at all. We are all just making it up. We have these ideas as younger people that once you are on TV you are famous and working forever. Standups are told that if you ‘just keep writing’ you’ll be fine, it’ll happen, you need to take time and have the material. These are just things people say when they can’t help you or don’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, for the love of everything keep writing, BUT it very well may never correlate to whatever your goals are.

For as often as they warn you of how many no’s you have to collect, people in this industry are terrible at saying no. In fact they very rarely say no. They much more often say yes but most often say nothing. If you don’t get a response, you didn’t get it. I think that’s because everything has changed so much that the person you say no to this week could be selling out rooms from a TikTok video in a buffalo costume the next week. So if you didn’t say anything… you didn’t say no either.

My career through the middle times (so far) was a lot of travel and road work and honestly, I loved it. I felt it made me funnier and fearless of any type of crowd. Small, big, drunk, clean, nothing really scares me and moreover I have fun with pretty much every crowd. I have had this rekindled desire for it this year as well. I would trade a lot of things to perform COVID free for middle aged drunk people at an Elk’s lodge in rural Arkansas again and I mean that.

What I Fell In Love With in Years 8-10

Things will change, we are well aware of that now. When I started standup I said my goal was for standup to be all that I did. After four years I did that, I quit my day job, I went on tour for three months and I moved to LA. This was the time I learned the most, learned how much other people are just as insecure as we are, even if they have success. This led me to make my own stuff. I love standup for that reason, it’s what I wrote and I’m sharing it with you and we have fun together. There isn’t a middle person, there isn’t someone changing it, it’s just me and you and laughing. I thought maybe I could do that with other things.

The guided meditations were actually my first experience with this idea of making things myself. That very first comedic, dirty guided meditation I did… was not good. Well, the meditation was pretty good, it was funny and dirty but the video wasn’t. I think I just had photos flashing hahaha. But by just putting it up and seeing what happens, my friend and the future editor and collaborator of 80 For 80 (along with a much more impressive list of credits), Ruben Rodriguez contacted me and said he would make the videos for me and birth was given! We did them once a month and I honestly loved them. It was something else to focus on. The meditations, the podcast (HugLife) and everything after that made me trust myself more, understand I can take control and that people enjoy what I make and it really helped my standup as well.

Then 80 For 80, another idea I really felt strongly about and shared with Ruben and he suggested we try for a grant. We did and we got it. It was this validation that something I had thought of was worthy of someone giving me money to make it. It was difficult but probably the most rewarding thing I have done from idea to release. I was hooked.

This last year has been mostly that, building and making my own things because I know now that I can get them done and I feel good about it. Yes, I wish everyday more people would share those things and they would blow up but I still feel a sense of peace with making everything the way I wanted to with talented people who believe in what we are doing and who want to make funny shit.

I may be most proud of the meditation album, the one that not everyone quite understands. It is the funniest and most different thing I have made and it really was a “I want to do this, I’m going to make it happen” situation. Aligning with talented people and putting out quality is very important to me and I know that I have done that. Do I meditate on Lizzo coming across Chill and sharing it cause she loves the meditations so much? Yes, of course. Am I happy without that? Yes. We had two #1 comedy albums within a month of each other and the first meditation album to be #1 on a comedy chart, all during the collectively most difficult year of my lifetime. I am very proud of that.

I miss live standup, so much. I am trying to be as smart as I possibly can about all this but I want to be in front of people again, laughing and telling jokes. We did so much of what we could, developed livestream shows of all kinds, got my YouTube channel rolling, put out my debut standup album (a dream of 10 years) and put out my first comedic meditation album. If we fail, it is never because we weren’t trying.

I say ‘we’ all the time because there is none of this without you, without an audience, we are a team! I have learned so much more over this year that it is about you. It doesn’t matter which sexist booker I don’t want to deal with anymore, it doesn’t matter what cruise ship agency doesn’t want me, all that matters is us having fun and if you are enjoying what I’m doing and I’m enjoying what I’m doing, I think we can continue to make some really awesome, really funny stuff.

I say we also because I have finally let people I love help me and support me in these things and it has been so helpful. I’m learning to ask for help more. I couldn’t have done anything this last year without Aryn’s help and now we are engaged so she is stuck helping me write trivia questions and stopping our conversations to say “oh, I need write that down” forever. Another reason I don’t think artists have to be depressed to create.

After 10 years I love comedy more than I ever have, chomping at the bit to get on stage more than in my first year and finding ways to make that work. That is exciting to me, I watch people get discouraged or quit or burn out and I’m happy, in this moment, I’m not feeling like that. All I can say now is thank you.

Thank you for 10 years of coming to shows, buying underwear and shirts and magnets, helping me record a live album, supporting everything I have put out by watching, or downloading or buying. Thank you for following and sharing and liking. Thank you for the messages and comments that say you thought something was funny or that you liked the albums, it sustains my spirit for weeks! And a final pre-emptive thank you because I’m going to continue this for as long as I can and I’m so thankful for the chance to get to do standup for you live again, soon!

Thank you for 10 years, here’s to 50 more?

-Monica

Interested in the projects I mentioned in the story? How about links???

The Best Gifts for 2020

By Monica Nevi

On December 14, 2020

In Blog Entry

What a year it has been. The only certainty we have now is that something else fucked up will happen before it’s over. If you are anything like the American public you can relate to a tighter financial budget for this holiday season and a tighter emotional budget to match. With both of those things in mind I have put together a short list of gifts that will be perfect for anyone this pandemic holiday season. I have added links to the best and most affordable versions available.

6 Ideas For Last Minute Gifts in 2020

Pandemic Coupon Book: This item would be the DIY option and depending on what you choose to include, it can be a thoughtful and low cost gift. Similar to a love coupon book where you exchange an oral sex coupon for actually having to put effort into your relationship, the Pandemic Coupon Book can have things like “get out of one political conversation”, “one zoom call WITH makeup” or “one socially distant trip to your house where I take your phone and smash it with a hammer for you.”
Anything Schitt’s Creek: It seems funny that it has always been a bad thing to be up Schitt’s Creek, until now. In reality you don’t want to be up Schitt’s Creek without your Roland Schitt all over photo leggings or a wine glass that says “fold in the cheese.” Schitt’s Creek really got the wind in its sails right as it was reaching the shore. Therefore, inevitably it is on the same level as The Office where you can make merchandise and instagram accounts dedicated to its quotes for years and years to come. Might as well stock up on some silly gifts now before they run out of Mutt tree ornaments.
Fill Out A Form: File someone’s unemployment claim for them, apply your friends for an EBT card, fill in the answers on a BuzzFeed quiz and help them figure out which Friends character they are. People hate filling out forms, most companies bank on saving money because no one wants to fill out the form to get it back. It’s free for you and far more useful than the fucked up hat you were going to knit them.
Sweatpants: Maybe you get this person some nice outfit or beauty supply gift basket every year but save it. No one is out here, trying to look good right now. We are all giving it one day a week and from the waist up, at most. Get some nice, cozy sweatpants. Something that will absorb the shame of delivery food for every meal but you can wear to the gas station two nights in a row. It’s rare that people get themselves some quality sweatpants, you’ll be a hero.
Relaxation: This could be a bath bomb, a box of CBD gummies or a guided meditation album by Monica Nevi called Chill (you knew it was coming). It could be something sexual, some people haven’t been touched in almost a year, not even from the pandemic, just in general. Get ’em something that vibrates. Are you the wild friend that loves Chardonnay and always gets everyone a vibrator? Well, this is the perfect time to check in on a friend and send some good vibes. Get them a yoga membership for online classes. Help them destress in anyway possible but the most important thing is that you show you really care by getting them a copy of Chill by Monica Nevi.
Support Something Local or Small: I would gladly take a box of sticks if it supported a good cause. Maybe you are shopping for one of those people that just has everything and buys themself stuff all the time. Force them to be a better person, get them something that benefits a good cause or supports a small business or artist. I hope Bezos only gets gifts that are directly purchased from small, independent businesses or artists. Artwork is a really cool gift. Get someone some artwork, all artists need the support right now. Buy them an album from an independent artist (or comedian) they will like. The live standup album, Mostly Finger Guns by Monica Nevi is available in dropcard form and will get to you before the holiday.

This year is about pivoting. Pivoting is so much easier when wearing your “nice sweats.” Give the gift that represents 2020 the best, something they didn’t ask for.

Find some of the things on the list here:

All Over Schitt’s Creek: AllOverShirts.com

Dani Dodge, Artist: studiododge.com

Easton Johnson, Personal Training: beastonathleticperformance.com

Monica Nevi, Comedy and Meditation: monicanevi.com/store

Stolen Ideas and Chappelle

By Monica Nevi

On November 25, 2020

In Uncategorized

I normally don’t get too involved but the series of events leading up to this somehow seemed, meant to be but not in the good way.

They Stole Chappelle’s Show

Yesterday there was a video that Dave Chapelle put out on his Instagram from one of his now infamous Pandemic field shows. It was long and serious for the majority but like anything he puts out we watched all 18 minutes. He told a story of an older comic stealing his joke when he was just 15, he then told the intricate and complicated details of Chappelle’s Show and what happened. The way he talked about the contracts and people taking advantage of performers because none of us actually understand those contracts hit home and is something comedians are often worried about, although it rarely comes into play in the magnitude of Chappelle’s Show

His story is always going to be an amplified version of the rest of us but most working comics have some story like that. A TV taping where they own the clip of you from 10 years ago cannot be taken down or you see nothing of the profits for the clip of one of your favorite jokes that everyone knows and loves.

That happened to me. I did multiple TV tapings for a few different shows, made $100 when an episode would air, not paid for the taping and then when they decided to put it on YouTube/Facebook (and some clips have hundreds of thousands of views and some have millions) I get nothing. This stuff happens all the time. For that reason, a lot of people decided not to do a couple of the shows I did but they already had late night credits and resumes that I still don’t have.

It’s VERY easy to look back and go “oh, that’s stupid, why did you do that?” I’ll tell you why. The industry makes you feel like you’re worth nothing ON PURPOSE so that you won’t question them. I had never had a TV credit, the next person it happens to has never sold a show and Chappelle wasn’t famous like he is now until after he signed that contract. The thing that in the end fucks you over, is also what helped you start? It’s fucked up and the powers that be know that.

If he had just put it out on YouTube, especially at that time, even if he had miraculously had the money to make something of that quality without a network, it would not have been what it is. Basically what I’m saying is it is a constant double edged sword of ‘do I let people use me for what I have created to get the attention it deserves’ OR ‘do I do it myself and have it reach less people but retain my rights and the money it makes?’ I have literally read contracts and thought ‘I don’t know what that means but no one else seems to have a problem with it.’

Chappelle ends by asking people not to watch the thing he created, the thing that created him as we know him. I’m listening, I love that show, we used to get in trouble for watching the downloaded versions during math class in high school. I will not watch it and genuinely hope they pay him for it.

It’s his, it has his fucking name on it. They stole that from him.

I’m Doing It And It’s Not Working

I have created my own work, the way I wanted to, put it out where I could, I am the independent artist that people keep telling us to be. I won’t pretend that has been my choice but it has been my path. However, the same exact stand-up set that got over a million views is on my YouTube channel with 8.4% of that amount of views. Still the highest I have been paid for that set, I thought scoffing to myself. I got a grant to make a documentary series that I literally made no money on. I paid over $6,000 of my own money THIS YEAR to create the two albums and market them myself. Is it worth it? Creatively, I do think so. Financially, definitely not yet, I can tell you that.

I did the thing people are saying you are supposed to do. I made it myself, put out QUALITY that I am proud of, employed other small businesses and independent artists and I can guarantee you, it won’t do as well as if I had signed a stupid contract with someone who would take advantage of brilliant, hard work.

The Icing on the Stolen Cake

I finished two albums this year, yeah this year of all years. Two albums I have dreamed of completing for so long. First, my standup album “Mostly Finger Guns” went number one on iTunes, another dream come true. I won’t know the financial returns on that for three months but exciting none-the-less.

I have also created and am about to release a comedic guided meditation album called Chill, that I am incredibly excited about and proud of. Here is the icing on the cake, I didn’t do what Dave did. I did what the very popular rebellious comedians do, I did it myself. All by myself. I wrote and recorded the lyrics, I paid a fantastic composer (Jeremy Shabo) to create original music for each track, hired a guy who normally mixes blockbuster movies to mix half of the tracks, paid for the artwork, the marketing, the distribution to stores, I filmed and/or edited the videos myself. I want it to go number one as well, the first meditation album to do so and very quick turnaround to have two number ones albums, I want that.

It’s just not how it goes. This morning I woke up to make sure the video I had made to premiere the fourth track on the Chill album, “Family Time” was up on YouTube correctly. It looked fine until I stumbled upon another guided meditation that was to come out today. It was from a musician that I had reached out to and asked to be involved with this video. The musician was excited, loved the idea but travel got in the way and we couldn’t have them involved. Then somehow on the same day they put out a guided meditation about the same topic we had discussed? Cool, cool, cool.

I have spent the last two months looking for meditation groups online, podcasts, blogs that would be interested in posting about this album. A post on reddit about it was adorned with the first comment of “she? It can’t be funny if a woman made it.” IN A MEDITATION GROUP. I have become immune to the comments about my weight, my gray hair, my anything else but in a meditation group? Not to mention over 20 newspapers and magazines I e-mailed about both albums and not I can’t stop thinking about what those mean comments would be like, a girl can dream. They just won’t be funny dreams.

Here is My Whiny Little Point.

At the very core of this argument, I think deep down every person feels like the person responsible for creating, who starts it and who does the hard work of creating should be the person who reaps the rewards. How on earth, is it that the person who just happens to have a job at a network or agency can make more from something someone created than that actual person? No one knew we would be where we are now with Chappelle and it’s not about giving a rich man more money but I genuinely believe that the genius, as we all have deemed him, should be the one getting the reward.

I have said it, written it and lived the idea that we should be supporting artist now, finding who you like in the “minor-stream” and following them, buying their stuff, watching their videos. They could be the next huge thing or you could just be making a huge difference for them. It’s the same thing as going to a smaller college for more individual attention and smaller class numbers, it makes a much bigger difference when you show up.

Of course this is self-serving but did you think Dave Chappelle posting that video so people would boycott the show in order for him to get paid wasn’t? I absolutely want you to read this and think “I am going to support smaller comedians in their independent endeavors so they don’t get screwed over by contracts, Monica is one of my favorites, I’ll pre-order her meditation album ‘Chill’ right now by going to the iTunes store and searching her name.” Yes, that’s what I want you to think, will you do it? Based on Dave’s experience, people stealing my work and the numbers on the music video today, I won’t hold my breath.

Use this link to get the meditation album.

Achieving Dreams in Chaos

By Monica Nevi

On October 30, 2020

In Blog Entry

Mostly Finger Guns is here.

We need a break.

I love checking off lists. I love finishing something I said I was going to. I love being done. That being said, I’m not that organized and I struggle to manage my time in a regular scenario, let alone this one.

I set a lot of goals this year, which by the time March rolled around, seemed like a setup! A lot of those goals were to finish projects I had been dreaming about and working on for years leading up to this.

I recorded my first standup album in December of 2019, after Christmas, literally as late in 2019 as you could get. We sold out shows at The Comedy Underground, I hand picked six people to open for me that all crushed it and I had the most fun I have had on stage.

I had been working since Spring of 2019 recording guided meditations for a 10-track album (out in one month!) and sending them to a composer, Jeremy Shabo, who was putting them to original music. We would talk about what kind of feel I wanted while listening to it and then he would come back with something perfect. I felt great about the progress I was making and excited to have something more to give to you, finally.

Cue 2020.

I was finishing up the meditations and getting calls from the label about the standup album and how happy they were with it. Still touring and enjoying shows, excited to tell people my albums were coming out (they would clap when I just said I was putting one out). Then this ALL happened.

The largest crowd I have performed for in 2020 was giving my cousin’s eulogy. The next night I performed in a movie theater for a lot less people and made jokes about my Corona tattoo. Sure, I got laughs at both but it was less than a week before everything shut down and I might never do standup as we knew it, again.

We had no idea what we were in for.

When this all first started, I did not know what to expect, none of us did. I couldn’t have predicted this. We would be eight months into a pandemic and semi-lockdown when I finally achieve dreams I have had for 10 years. It does make the release feel a little bit different.

My love affair with stand-up, now feels like a long-distance relationship. Everyone tells you that you can make it work with Zoom, you’ll be together again one day and at least they can’t get you pregnant.

I ‘found’ stand-up when I was in a terribly low point in my life. I put found in quotes because I had wanted to do it since I was 14 but it took a lot of personal struggle and six years to actually get up and do it. I was a month from being 21 and really had nothing to lose. I watched people record live albums, I bought them all and later on I opened for SO many comedians recording their albums. I opened for one label five times in one year and there was never a mention of recording me, at all.

Give us a break!

A lot of my career, I have felt like I just needed a break. Well a lot of my life. Which, I understand isn’t the best outlook to have for an optimist but it piles on after awhile and I’m sure we all feel that way. I had been toying with the idea of just recording my own album and figuring out how to put it out but I really wanted someone to do that for me.

A year before the pandemic started I was at the Limestone Comedy Festival in Bloomington, Indiana, stressing about how I would get the most out of the three days I would be there. I guess I did okay because right before I was headed out to leave, Ross Duncliffe from On Tour Records asked to have a coffee meeting before I left. He wanted to record my album and I’m so glad that we did and so glad I took 20 minutes before taking a shuttle to Indianapolis to talk with him.

The experience of getting the album the way I wanted, recording over a full weekend, hand selecting my openers and watching them crush followed by the months of listening over and over again afterward to make sure it’s great, was all a stress I had wanted to experience for so long. Now it’s happened and during the weirdest time. Did I imagine not being able to tour when it came out? No. Did I know I would have to conquer a Ninja Sex Party to top the charts? No. I thought that would mean something different. It seems like it could be tainted in some way but for me, it actually feels like I got a bit of break, right when I needed it.

It’s like the NBA.

I can only compare it to basketball because that’s the only thing I compare anything too. If you won this year, if you were the LA Lakers or the Seattle Storm, some people may give you an asterisk. Some people seem to think it would have been easier to have a season in a bubble, during a pandemic. But I think the asterisk means it was harder. Watching the NBA and WNBA get tested every single day, have to play games every other day, be activists everyday, all while separated from their families… kind of makes regular seasons look simple.

As much as I want to celebrating today with you, in person, performing, having bud lights with my family, I am proud to have the asterisk of making this happen DESPITE the situation we are in. I feel like Sue Bird in the clutch today, we made it happen anyway and I am Megan Rapinoe’s favorite comic.

A good friend told me I was immortal now. What an interesting way to think about it. This exists forever now. I feel special to have become immortal during a pandemic! I’m ready for my Marvel movie now.

I hope listening to it, gives you a break when you need it to. Break from politics, from remote learning, from work and from me posting about it.

I am proud of what we’ve done and I’m so thankful to have all the people in my life and all the people who are getting a break with this album as a part of my team! Join us for the livestream celebration show 10/30/2020 on YouTube at 7pm pacific time.

Thank you so much,

Monica Nevi

Click to get your copy!

Staying Soft Is Hard

By Monica Nevi

On June 5, 2018

In Blog Entry

The title is a dick joke? This will be a good one.

As tempted as I am every time I sit down to write to just bombard you with blog posts of only dick jokes, this is about keeping a flaccid heart. In the very base of it aren’t we all just a bunch of dickheads running around pretending we know what we are doing?

Staying Soft With Myself

I have not had the easiest time in my life being soft to the world. Just based on how many times people have said “I thought you were going to beat someone up when you first got on stage” I can tell maybe I don’t have the most inviting vibe. However, once you are in the circle, once you are one of my people, I am extremely soft. Which is potentially why it is so difficult to get into.

I have realized, over the last year and a half, the person I have always been the hardest to was myself. Just a real boner, trying to force myself to do things, deny myself things I really wanted or ridiculing myself for any lack of anything. Which is probably what has made my attempts to be soft more difficult.

Very important to note here that soft does not mean weak. It probably is the stronger, more powerful of the two. Like quicksand, it takes a little longer but eventually it takes everything. Being hard can only last so long before you have to go see a doctor. Once, I was able to accept that being soft was not being weak, in fact it took more from me than any tough-bitch bullshit I had pulled before, then I felt like it was a challenge that I wanted to beat. A very competitive, almost macho outlook on this topic, I know but baby steps.

I still have very little idea what I’m doing and how to really be soft with myself but I can tell you that I have made some very interesting changes and I can tell just that, changes. Last year I started writing letters to my friends and drawing them terrible pictures of whatever animals I thought they might be able to make out. It was like mail charades. I also decide to start listening to myself more and what I really wanted and not what other people kept telling me I wanted. Did you know they don’t know the answer to that? I spent a lot of time pushing things away and trying to control everything that was happening instead of accepting exactly what I wanted and what made me feel good and letting things happen.

I’m also impatient, turns out. This has been huge in the being soft to myself category. It’s tough to give and take time to actually be good to myself. As gross as it sounds, I have to love myself. So I have spent the last year constantly masturbating. Kidding, although it’s hard not to when it’s so easy to access TubeV Sex. What I mean is that I need to love myself as a person. Even writing this now makes my insides roll their eyes a little bit still but the craziest thing that has ever happened to me happened this year… I have felt good FOR NO REASON. There have been a lot of personal changes this year but it has also been one of the more stressful times in my life, which prompted the changes, because I told myself I wasn’t going to let it make me hard again. I was going to keep my focus on staying soft, like a boy in junior high P.E. I was going to stay flaccid and easy to move. I wasn’t going to poke anyone else or have to hide myself in public. When my heart is erect, it is intentional, so I have to keep my flaccid heart to myself.

Many techniques have helped me with this, including meditation, writing and doing real weird energy shit but I am really enjoying making everything a dick joke the most.

Staying Soft With Other People

Most of life is super easy if there are no other people in it. Easy doesn’t mean good. Which makes staying soft to others the most difficult. Some times it seems like they are put there just to get you all riled up. Difficult to stay soft when there are so many pussies and buttholes running around. We have to do it anyway. Being hard hearted to others doesn’t help either of you.

Remember from earlier that we are all dickheads and no one knows what they are truly doing. That’s what I have learned, we are all just guessing and some of us are better at being confident about our guesses. We are not in control, someone can be a boner at anytime. The only thing we can control is ourselves and we all make mistakes, I know that for sure. They don’t know what they are doing either. Their isn’t a way to know what’s going to happen or how it will happen, we just know that it will happen, whatever it is. So be patient with them too right? Making a boner go away takes some specific thoughts but most importantly it takes a little time. Patience with other people is very crucial to staying soft and no one wants to help the person who is hard in the middle of everyone.

I am still having so much fun with this dick analogy but it may be making less and less sense.

The big thing with other people and staying soft to them is that they are OTHER people and really what they do has little to do with you. Making yourself hard over other people’s lifestyles is just a waste of everyone’s time that I have never really understood. I want you to be exactly who you want to be, do what you want to do and love who or what you want to love, especially yourself. If we look at other people’s lives with softness then their differences don’t bother us as much. Example, it’s pride month and if you have a problem with same-sex relationships then that makes you hard, which seems to be the opposite of what you were trying to do.

I’m not sure this even says anything but I am so happy with how many dick jokes I was able to fit into one post. Don’t let the tough things in life make you hard, if it breaks your heart, try and let it break it open.

Stay soft my friends.

I Have Been Doing Comedy For 7 Years

By Monica Nevi

On January 16, 2018

In Blog Entry

Hey.

So this is it, the seventh year of stand up is when you find your voice, when you know what you are doing. I agree with that as I seem to have found another voice in my head. So look out… I’m here to ruin that theory for everyone. I would like this year of my career to be about finding my mind, I seem to have lost.

How It Started

People ask me this question all the time, which I actually don’t mind. I have an answer for this and I can show my work:

I loved watching stand up as a youth —–> Started writing jokes for fun during my freshman and sophomore years in college —–> Couldn’t play basketball anymore ——> Watched one open mic at Laughs in Kirkland —–> The next week I do my first open mic —–> 7 years later I write this blog.

The Stories

I figure you don’t want to hear all the crap about what I am proud of and the people I enjoy working with and all the good stuff, as that is not what comedy is about. Comedy is about complaining. Well too bad, I’m going to tell you some good stuff anyway and you’re going to like it. Here are the nominees for best story in each of these categories I have arbitrarily made up:

The Best Thing That Has Happened

I have traveled all over the country, almost every part of it, doing comedy and getting paid to do it. For the most part I have broken even and that’s pretty good for traveling.
Comedy has allowed me to meet people I never would have otherwise, develop relationships I couldn’t have imagined and even hang out with Canadians.
Stand up has given me opportunities to branch out into other amazing forms of comedy and create my own projects, podcasts and other stupid things I am deeply proud of. Huglifepodcast.com
I have had the wonderful honor to work with people I have watched on TV for years and for the most part decide that they are pretty nice and hard-working people, just like the rest of us.

The Worst Thing That Has Happened

I once asked if two people sitting at a table were mother and son and of course they were married. Then I spent the rest of the set making excuses for why that wasn’t as offensive as it definitely was.
I have performed and even hung out in a number of moose, eagles and elks lodges. The drinks are very cheap but so are the inappropriate comments.
I have slept everywhere imaginable, from cars to couches to tile floors and deflating air mattresses. Sometimes with cute dogs or cats to cuddle with.
I once used someone else’s dirty towel for an entire week because that was my only option.
A very small cowboy decided to put his hand in between my legs at a bar thus unleashing a beast inside of me that got me carried out of said bar by security, almost started a fight and honestly quite nearly got that mini cowboy killed. I have the poorly healed part of a tattoo to prove it.

The Craziest Thing That Has Happened

While closing out a very fun show in the Northwest a gentleman seemed to be answering his phone in the front row and talking to someone. The third time it happened I asked to see his phone, like a teacher asking for your attention would. He quickly pulled away trying to hide his phone behind himself only to reveal it was a child’s water-maze play toy that he had been answering the whole time.
A woman in Deer Lodge, Montana invited us back to her house to go in her bathtub, which she had pictures of on her phone. It was a lovely tub but we did decline… mostly because she had pictures of it on her phone which eluded to this not being her first time and I like to feel special.
I have since vowed not to drive during the winter time but in October of this year we nearly died in the snow, in a Prius, in Southern Utah… Which seems to be the saddest of all potential obituaries.
I once ended up after a show at a castle next to a state capitol building with the oldest man in history. He may have haunted said castle. Then we woke up in a different larger home on the water. A part of my soul may still be walking around those places.

Overall the last 7 years have been super easy, stress-free and full of love and functional relationships.

No, they have been full of sarcasm. I have loved mostly every moment of what I do, I feel lucky everyday that I get to do comedy for a living. I am excited to continue this journey and see the changes this year brings. Year 7 is the one when you start edging toward not compromising what you want for what you CAN do just because you can. Also, I am writing this blog from an apartment I share with two grown men, one of which is loudly having sex in the room next to me… so things HAVE to change.

Feel free to let me know which of the nominees in each category YOU think get the award!

YOUR [SMART]Goals for 2018

By Monica Nevi

On January 3, 2018

In Blog Entry

Normally, when I post articles here I am sure to remind you that I don’t know what I’m talking about and these are just my ideas. However, this is much different because I have read upwards of six books since the last time I posted, so I’m much smarter now and goal setting is something I’m obsessive about.

I already have made an extensive list with detailed interim steps for my own goals this year and each morning I write a list of intentions. So, since I love it so much, I went ahead and wrote your goals for this year for you. I’m proud of you for choosing so wisely.

SMART GOALS

First, we’ll quickly discuss what SMART goals are and how I interpret them. If you look it up people will tell you that a SMART goal is one that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable or Action Oriented, Realistic or Relevant and Time-Bound. The answers will depend on which fucking adult worksheet you have looked up. This is a fine way to set goals if you have trouble thinking of things other than “my goal is to stop being a piece of shit.” For this, I have my own definition of SMART goals and since I wrote your goals for you, taking a quick glance over them might be a good idea.

S = Sexy

Your goals should be attractive. To you specifically. No one is excited to work hard for a goal they think they have to do to better themselves for other people. Everyone wants to be sexy for no reason, so think about the outcome of the outcome. “I work out everyday to maintain quality health”…. AND LOOK SEXY AS FUCK. “I budget my finances each month so I can afford special things I want” … LIKE VACATIONS ON SEXY BEACHES OR MASSAGES.

M=Manageable

Successful people know what is important to achieving their goals and how to delegate everything else. Make sure you set goals that you can focus on and stop worrying about other people’s bullshit and opinions. If you want it and you can manage focusing on it, you got it.

A=Artistic

Be creative. All the time. Just because you haven’t been calling yourself an artist up until now doesn’t mean you can’t get creative with your goals and what you spend your successes on. Get weird, it makes everything so much better.

R=Realistic

I keep this one on here to define what realistic is. You’re reality is different than mine, so whatever you see feasible and able to fit in yours, is real. Optimism and reality are not separate things, it’s your reality so make it the best you can. No matter what you choose to focus on, make it perfect and when someone says ‘oh, come on be realistic’ simply reply ‘I am, fuck you.’

T=Trust

This is the hardest one mostly because we have gotten locked in the idea we shouldn’t trust anyone and that authenticity is dead. That’s not the case. The very first person you should trust is yourself and that’s what this is about. Trust that what you choose to focus on as a goal is what you truly want for yourself. Trust that all the hard work you are doing works. Trust your heart. Trust that you deserve and will attain these goal.

Here Are Your 2018 Goals

Unconditional Gratitude

You are grateful for everything you have and are given. Every step you take this year, no matter how tiny, is worth viewing through wonderment. It is wonderful that you got a new job, it is also wonderful that someone delivers a paper to your door and wonderful that people liked your Instagram post. Every little part is amazing. This is part of being present in the moment, as you appreciate what is happening you are aware of it completely. Valuing things, people and showing appreciation is a very attractive quality.

“I list things that I am grateful for at the same time everyday in 2018”

Eliminate Comparisons

Other people are going to disagree with your choices or judge you but that is based in fear and actually has nothing to do with you. In that same vein you don’t judge other people for what they are choosing to do. It’s a waste of time and energy on both sides. Your happiness and your goals are the only thing you are concerned with and anyone who is comparing themselves to anything else is simply afraid to let themselves be happy.

“I am happy and excited about my life in 2018”

Bravery

The opposite of fear. Fear, worry and guilt are the most useless wastes of time ever. You poison yourself with stress worrying and fearing things that are never going to happen or be as bad as you think. You poison yourself feeling guilty over things you cannot change, that have already happened.

You are brave, fearless and confident. People talk about confidence being the best thing in the world, something they admire. Confident people have no concept of fear or worry. They are not threatened by the unknown because they know it is limitless, it can be as good as possibly imagined.

“I am brave and embrace the vast possibilities of the unknown in 2018”

Growth

This is how you know you are alive. Just by setting these goals and examining what you want to improve on, is growth. There isn’t really a right or wrong anything, there are just different answers. Through loss of loved ones and my work this year I have come to understand that there is no stopping growth, otherwise you are dead. Therefore, you pick the direction you want to grow in and just keep walking that way. Do whatever you want because you want to, it will always be a growing experience.

“I am constantly learning and growing from every experience I have in 2018”

Love

Love yourself. It becomes reflected in how you love other people when you can love yourself. Love yourself enough to enjoy what makes you happy. Love yourself enough to spend time with the people you want to. Love yourself enough to go out and achieve your goals. Love yourself enough to allow your top priority to be feeling good. Love yourself enough to find happiness in circumstances other people find insanity. Love yourself enough to radiate love and draw other wonderful people to you. Love yourself enough to come to Monica Nevi’s shows and allow yourself to laugh.

“I love myself and the people in my life so much that we go to Monica Nevi’s shows whenever possible in 2018”

I think those are great goals for every person, they are written in the present tense because you are already accepting that they are real right now, they are a part of how you work this year. No matter how 2017 was for you it is behind us now, you are free from whatever it did to you. 2018 is now and so are you! Remember that these are your goals and not mine so don’t expect me to be any nicer to you than I already am.

Author’s Notes: Having a positive outlook on the year does not mean there will not be difficulty and pain at some times, it simply means you can work through it easier. Feel your emotions, all of them but also know you can have everything that you want and you deserve it.

[Life]Vomit

By Monica Nevi

On November 30, 2017

In Blog Entry

I have spent 27 years consciously walking this planet, hunting and gathering information and experiences that might help me do a better job. Nothing seems to resonate with me more than the experiences I have when I throw up. Life lessons and profound moments have come to me while vomiting. I vividly remember why I shouldn’t eat chocolate cake or tequila (especially together).

Tuesday, in the middle of the night, I found myself leaned over with my hands on my knees in a park I used to play in as a child, vomiting onto the ground behind the bathroom building. Would it be cooler to tell you that I had been partying with some wild strangers on a weeknight and got a little too crazy? Probably. You know what isn’t cool? Lying.

What Happened

I was alone and sober on a Tuesday night after I did two pretty mediocre shows, watched karaoke, started to cry in a bar and decided I should go home. Not cool, but honest. Why was I throwing up then? I had one drink but in the last two weeks I have had a very difficult time eating pretty much anything. Feeling confident and distracted hanging out with Cameron we went to Dick’s burgers and I had two regular cheeseburgers. I could get them down on my way to a bar where a friend was working to watch karaoke instead of going home and being alone. All of this seemed like a good plan.

In the middle of a song I get this rush of all the anxiety and stress I had been dealing with, maybe triggered by a man with a beautiful voice singing Sara Bareilles, maybe not. I start to get choked up in this public place and quickly head to the bathroom to pull myself together. I cry for a little bit in the bathroom stall but am able to shove it back down. As I’m standing there, getting it together, I get this horrible knotted feeling in my stomach, like there is a big brick that needs to come out. Not in the ‘GET OUT OF THE WAY I’M GOING TO BLOW’ type of sense but in the ‘this thing is coming out if I have to do it myself’ kind of way. Maybe going home isn’t such a bad idea. I pack my things up and start walking up the hill to my car.

On the way back to the car I am actively looking for a place to secretly release this beast in my stomach. Trash cans are too public, there are other people using the area behind most buildings for various things, the park near by has a fountain but I peed in that once during college so I already felt like I had marked my territory. I’m just going to start driving back to my parents’ house and find something on the way. Obviously, I wasn’t super keen on the idea of coming home to my parents in the middle of the night and drawing all the attention with my vomiting. Knowing the Renton area as well as I do, I knew this particular park wasn’t too far off the freeway, was very dark and in the middle of some houses, not on a main road. Target acquired.

As I pull up to the park, I leave the car in front of the locked gate to the parking lot. I think I turn off the lights but I do not. I get out step over the gate and walk to this covered corner on the back side of the bathroom building that I know is there because we used to play kick-the-can at this park at night all the time. There I am, bent over like a linebacker, with my boots spread far enough apart to stay out of the splash zone and my hood is rigged up to play the part of someone holding my hair back. Ejection has commenced.

After cheeseburger #1 has made its way to the ground, I thought to myself “of course this is happening.” I didn’t realize what I meant at the time. While facing my insides on the ground of a park my uncle used to take me and my cousin to, I thought I had hit that wall of stress and anxiety, frustration and sadness where you can’t do anything but laugh and you seem to have accepted that you aren’t good enough and bad things just happen to you. As cheeseburger #2 was exiting the same place I use to try and convince people I am good enough I just had a flurry of all the work I had been trying to do for things that could potentially fall flat on their face. But not me, I couldn’t fall flat on my face because I would land in my own vomit.

This hiding spot is still solid and even though I left the headlights on, no one finds me.

How Does This End

At this point, I feel like everything has gotten out but I stay in the position, staring at the blended insides of my body, feeling empty in most ways possible. Looking down, hoping the Universe has spelled something out for me here. I find nothing and walk away, wiping my finger on a fence post I used to challenge my friends to jump over, and get back in the car. I make it home, very confused and disoriented. I wash my hands, brush my teeth and go to bed. I stare at the ceiling wondering if because I am what I am, am I destined to be tortured for my whole life or if I should just not eat Dick’s anymore.

I wake up at 5 am and get sick again, almost passing out and then again at 11 am. Maybe I am just sick and I have read too far into this… just adding more questions of inadequacy over how I am approaching all of this mentally. I’m not sure if it was when I was in the park or on the bathroom floor in a modified yoga pose hoping not to pass out but I finally had the thought ‘I think I should make some changes to the way I am thinking about things.’ I would say there was clarity in those moments but I was teetering between knowing I wasn’t having any positivity with myself at all and feeling resentment toward those who have a privileged enough life to have never cried onto their own vomit in the middle of the night. Wracking my brain for all the things I had used before to value myself during tough times of stress while also wondering if I just Will Byers style flushed a demogorgon into the world.

Why Does This Matter

“Monica, what the fuck are you talking about?”

Stress is poison and I have been literally poisoning myself with my thoughts on and off for years. You probably have too. I fight all the time to stay positive but when you get sucked down the other way you don’t realize it. So when I thought to myself “of course this is happening to me” it wasn’t because I deserve to be in pain, it was because I thought myself into that situation. Of course I’m vomiting up all the poison I have been putting my body through in this park where I once coached a summer camp. Of course this is happening because my attempts to ‘take care of myself’ were only going through the motions so I didn’t look as sad to other people. I let my mind bring me all the way down when I know exactly what I am supposed to be doing and I am confidently positive about all the things I am doing. I totally forgot! I have always had a hard time letting myself feel good about anything, even though I know how to do that.

After the burger and/or pain purge I felt a little bit renewed. Every once in awhile you have to remind yourself that you are good, great and wonderful. People know that about you and your hard work in life and on yourself is worth it. Also, trust yourself. I think that is the biggest source of anguish for me, I let these negative feelings pull me away from what I know is true and good and what I believe in. All of which have been tested time and time again and I am always right.

I read an entire book the next day. I have never done that. It was only 70 pages but clearly some changes have been made. I have spent years knowing what I should be doing for myself and how I should be utilizing those tool but just not doing it. It’s only been two days but maybe sometimes it just takes throwing up in a park in the middle of the night to shake it out of you. Or maybe… just maybe… you shouldn’t eat cheeseburgers from a 1,000 year old stand on a 2 day empty stomach. Give it whatever meaning you want.

I also updated my calendar. 🙂

The Upper Left

By Monica Nevi

On September 21, 2017

In Blog Entry

In between your moments spent weeping tears from all the disaster happening around us you may have noticed that I have completely my Upper Left Tour and am back in Los Angeles for now. Well, I’m flattered you took the time to notice that. People have had a lot of questions and I figure I should give a little recap of the good, the bad and the funny that was The Upper Left Tour.

The Good:

-I saw and worked in a ton of places I hadn’t worked before, a lot of small towns and fancy venues I hadn’t done yet and now I know how/where to get weed in all of them. I never saw myself in Nampa, ID or Pedelton, OR. Never did I consider I may be excited to go to places in Washington like Spokane or Richland but life throws you some interesting pitches sometimes and I have a known ability to get the bat on a curve ball.

-I got to work with some amazing people. Always nice to go back to the Northwest and work with some of my favorite comics but I also had the chance to work with some hotties that I hadn’t met before and I love watching monsters work. I got to open for Michael Ian Black and that was amazing. Matt Braunger was such a sweet guy to work with. At Bumbershoot I got to hang and work with Judah Freidlander, Brody Stevens, Joel Kim Booster, Todd Barry and Debra DiGiovanni and they all slayed so hard and were such nice people. Loved it and learned so much.

-Speaking of Bumbershoot, I got to do two festivals and I had a wonderful time at both. Festivals from time to time can be hard to deliver on. This year was great. Bumbershoot was fun and I love being a part of something so historically Seattle. I also had the opportunity to do the 208 Festival in Boise, ID. And that felt like a really fun summer camp where everyone was so nice, SO funny and we were treated very well with awesome shows.

-The hotels. My favorite part. I have enough shampoo, conditioner, lotion and hand soap to last me and all my roommates until next tour. Hotel sleep is a different experience that scientist should learn how to bottle. I only left one very important item in the hotel one time. I also had the tremendous experience of having a hotel room where the shower was in the middle of the room and not in the bathroom (check instagram @monicanevi for the proof).

-80 for 80. What a fun experience that I am so excited to see how it turns out and share it with you. I feel very proud of me and my team for being able to pull off a silly idea I had in the winter and actually execute and film it with grant money by the summer. It was a wonderful experience with great, hilarious and interesting people. I learned so much from producing, writing and performing as well as the intricacies of the jobs that my crew has done perfectly. It’s more than I could ever have asked from for just starting with a silly text that said “hey I have an idea.”

The Bad (Or Questionable):

-Poor Jean (that’s my car). My hot ass red Ford Focus out here all summer driving around crushing gas mileage and not smelling that bad for essentially having someone live inside of her. However, we had 3 oil changes in 3 months and are about to need another one. She has been worked hard this summer and I appreciate all that she has done for us.

-My computer. Although I am fingering her gently now, she is definitely on the way out. If anyone has suggestions on how to get a new computer when you really, really can’t afford one… let me know.

-Tired and lonely. Potentially the name for my next tour. The travel is fun to be in other places and I feel so lucky I get to do comedy in all these different parts of the country but the getting there sucks. Long drives and yourself being the only person to talk to most of the time. It gets real crazy in there.

-Hotels. I know I said it was good before and I’m a fan of always keeping something positive in mind but I did have a few really lonely hotel nights where I had been driving long days, performed multiple shows and that is the perfect combination to result in slim jims and tears while laying on a hotel room floor. It only happened twice but still. Would have had a third had there not been a shower and jacuzzi tub right in the middle of my room, thank you Phoenix Inn.

What’s Next:

-Honestly, there is quite a bit more work coming up as far as travel goes. This time more in and out of LA but I have been offered enough work that is would be silly not to take it. So first off I’m back in Seattle for a cool corporate gig and because of that I put together an awesome Renton show in Renton at Delancey’s on 3rd FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 29th. Other awesome Renton comics and myself headlining as I have not headlined a show in Renton in a couple years and this will be a fundraiser for Leukemia and Lymphoma. Get your tickets now! Here And/Or sign up for my e-mail list through this website to get a discount code.

-80 for 80 is currently in editing. This takes some time so be patient. It will be out this fall, so fear not. The date is flexible at this point as I want to make sure we have time to create exactly what we want to be able to present to you. However, there will be a big premiere event so keep your eyes out for that as well as sneak peaks and small clips in the mean time.

-Very exciting work going on with the HugLife Podcast, we have some huge announcements coming up in the next couple weeks that I couldn’t possibly be happier about. If you aren’t listening, please change that. It’s worth it, it’s fun and I am very proud of it. Check it out here.

Thank you to everyone who came out to shows and bought magnets and hugged me and sent tweets and messages and everything over the course of the tour. Literally, could not do it without you… need someone to be able to talk this nonsense at and I love you for that.

Doing Amazon shopping? Use this banner when you do it!!!!!! Please, I am very poor and have to pay for this website.

Amazon Deleted My Positive Review

By Monica Nevi

On July 11, 2017

In Blog Entry

I have a little internal dispute with the fact people most often leave reviews and comments when they are upset about something and rarely take the time to say anything positive. I have been trying to positively review some of the things I think other people would like to use, especially if I really enjoy the company or creator.

A few months ago (I have been dealing with the emotional repercussions of this experience, so it has taken me a bit to write this) I was having some issues going the bathroom. My grandmother suggested I use a laxative, so I went to the Wal-mart and picked up the Equate Gentle Women’s Laxative and this review is the story of what happened and how surprisingly well it worked. Below is a screenshot of the top of their e-mail denying my support of the company and below that is the entire review.

This is the full thing so you can understand why I am disappointed Amazon didn’t accept this glowing review:

“If you are stressing about using a laxative choose this one as it will definitely eject any fear or concern right out of your asshole. This was a last resort for me personally as I had some ongoing issues with constipation that had become painful. I chose these specifically because I am a woman and like most things gentle. As I had learned in the past based on massages and watching children pet dogs, we all have a different definition of gentle.

The reason this product gets a 5 is because it did what it was supposed to do. The label said to expect some action 6-12 hours after it is taken. The next morning, about 10 hours after I took one of the 5mg pills, I had a movement that could be considered gentle only in how soft it was. Although, it was a little startling, I finally felt a little relief. I didn’t think everything was cleared out but I was very pleased something was happening. About 30 minutes later, I felt a little bit of a rush to the restroom to then expel what I can only describe as ass vomit. It was a lot but I did feel like I got all the stuff that was stuck in there out.

About an hour later I was on the phone on my bed and as I got off the phone I rolled onto my stomach. I promptly shit my pants while lying on my stomach in sweatpants, sans underwear. The math on how that happened is still a little bit shaky in my head but if you imagine stepping on a Capri Sun, shot out like a straw. After I audibly said “oh, that’s not good” I shuffled to the bathroom and had my first official shit to shower. I wore the sweatpants into the shower.

One more bout and I felt great, like everything had finally come out and the shame of shitting my pants without any underwear on was starting to hurt a little less. I couldn’t help but notice my abs killin it and think that the gentle may how been referring to the severity of the bulimia you might have if choosing to use these. Cost effective and ass effective. If you want to feel a little fear, need something to make you feel alive and also clean you out. This is the product. ”

I don’t want to give you the impression I am fighting with Amazon on Prime Day because I am not. I am fighting the war on positive reviews everyday. In fact I like Amazon and you should use this banner to check out those Amazon deals, if that’s what you’re into. Maybe all the scientific terms were too much for their review guidelines but I genuinely encourage you to write positive reviews for any products, podcasts or services you use and are happy with. They have a great impact on the success of the company so you can continue to have their services flow right through you.

Any direct questions about the quality of the laxatives are welcomed in the comments. I have 29 of the 30 pills left if anyone wants to try.

Comedian

Tag: Comedy Page 1 of 3

What 10 Years of Standup Comedy Does to a Person.

The Best Gifts for 2020

Stolen Ideas and Chappelle

Achieving Dreams in Chaos

Staying Soft Is Hard

I Have Been Doing Comedy For 7 Years

YOUR [SMART]Goals for 2018

[Life]Vomit

The Upper Left

Amazon Deleted My Positive Review