The last couple weeks have been pretty weird for me. Maybe you too. Fairly often I get so overwhelmed by what is happening I just stop feeling things and start to float around almost carelessly. What I mean by that it I am not really doing anything or feeling anything. Over the weekend I had the chance to go camping far enough into the woods that there was no cell phone service or any of that other crap. It was nice, it was fun and as much as I wanted to be able to find some clarity it just ended up being weird. So this week’s post is going to be weird because I am just going with it.
In the past week I have been smoked weed a few times, which is a fairly normal week in my book. However, given some of the personal turmoil and stress I have been dealing with my mind does this thing (I think to protect itself) where it goes off into the most random places and dives in head first. Contrary to what you might think, my mind does not always dive in head first. In some down thinking time I had to myself, when I could really tackle the important things I need to be thinking about, I came to the realization that I would really like to cuddle with Oprah. Maybe I am running from some internal feeling but at least I am running into the arms of Oprah!
Here are some reasons I would really like to cuddle with Oprah. First, physically she seems like a good cuddler. Skinny people are the worst for cuddling, Oprah is perfect. I am not saying she is fat, she is perfect. I know what you are thinking, big spoon? Little spoon? I would want to be the little spoon for physical reasons but also because I fell very inferior to her and it seems inappropriate the other way around. Me? HOLD Oprah? That’s not what I am talking about here. Secondly, obviously we would be somewhere fancy and super cozy, like her house. I am not a sleep cuddler, I enjoy it as an activity but once you fall asleep I will push you away from me. However, I feel given the overall softness of this scenario, I may be able to squeeze in a cuddle nap if it was with Oprah. Finally, and most importantly, pillow talk. I am a HUGE fan of pillow talk and she is SUCH a good talker. I would just lay on her chest and listen to her tell me all the secrets about being a successful, independent, strong black woman. I could learn the tricks about how to have strong friendships like her and Gayle. Or how to convince a man to stay in his own damn house forever but still love you, like Stedman. I would tell her about my life and she would encourage me to follow my dreams because we need more strong women in the world to be successful and help others on a large scale. She then promise to tell all her friends to go to huglifepodcast.com and listen to the positivity I am trying to bring to the world. She would also tell them to buy our new “You’re Great” t-shirts here (mkt.com/monica-nevi) cause Oprah knows best. I would open up a little too much and accidentally tell her about the time I saw a rock I thought looked like Barbara Streisand. She would laugh and tell me that it was just a manifestation of the internal strength I posses to be one of the best in my industry and the longevity of my career to come, just like Barbara. I would tell her I wished she was my big sister this whole time and then she would pull out a joint she had rolled just for us and tell me that she already was.
And then I realize I spent an entire weekend living a hypothetical cuddle session with one of the richest women in the world and that I probably shouldn’t have told every on stage about it at that show on Saturday. That show where I had to tell jokes and then smoke weed and then tell jokes again, which just ended up being about me cuddling with Oprah and Jimi Hendrix being from Renton. But since I let it out there I figured I would let you guys in on my little secret. Here is a visual aide, I am the Koala.
Thanks for starting your week off on a ridiculous note with me
Monica and Oprah