Birthdays and Death? Maybe, Maybe, Maybe.

“Doesn’t your birthday make you think about death?”
“No. It makes me think about cake”

I know this isn’t the topic I should be talking about the day before my birthday and it is not solely because it is my birthday that I am thinking about the concept of death. But I am and I am probably about to say a BUNCH of things I should not, buckle up.

This year in particular I have become far more aware of my own mortality in general. I do think I am stuck in a place where I am still searching for some kind of calming thought about people who have died and an afterlife. Maybe this is abnormal and maybe that comes from having some experiences where I really got lucky by getting out alive. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I have lost a considerable amount of people in my life. It usually goes in waves, I don’t know what that is but 3-4 go at a time and then we get a little break. I lost multiple people this last 12 months or so and more than one to suicide. I am not going to talk about the whys and why nots of suicide because the only answer at the end of the day is that WE don’t know. We don’t know how they were feeling, why they did it or what it feels like now. The worst part is always watching the people around that person in excruciating pain. Losing someone, is the hardest thing in the world I think. It shatters part of your world, if not all of it, depending on your relationship. I can feel you thinking “yeah, we know that, let’s not get into it.” And you are right, I don’t want to either. Illness, old age, accidents, etc. have all taken people from us. And this would be the perfect time to blow some “live everyday as if it’s your last” or “treat people well because you never know when they will be gone” into your butts. Which, all though true, is not what I am thinking.

Earlier this week my aunt was found dead in her apartment. My aunt is my mom’s older sister and has always had some issues with addiction. My aunt was frequently taken care of by family members and often the government. Some people have very negative feelings about people with drug problems. It definitely hurts the people around you. When my mom told me she had passed, I asked how she was doing and she just said “unfortunately, I have been afraid I would get that call since she was 14.” Granted my mother is a saint, above and beyond one of the best people I have ever encounter in my whole life and I have met a lot of people. That’s her sister, my aunt had some of that in her too, she had to. Did she end up alone and helpless because she didn’t love others? Absolutely not. I know for a fact she loved me and my mom and her mom and everyone. She was actually a very loving, considerate person. It ended up the way it did because she didn’t love herself. I think I’m guilty, and maybe you too, of thinking about how I can treat others and how they feel about me and in that process I forget about me. You are loved, someone loves you but maybe you don’t see it because if you can’t love yourself you can’t understand how other people can? Possibly. Is this a Justin Beiber song? Maybe. Am venting my own personal fears about how I treat myself and how that correlates to my feelings towards death? Probably.

In the past year I have almost been consumed with the idea of death, it makes me anxious, I am afraid of losing the people I love the most. I also fear my own death, not for the pain but for what I would leave undone and unsaid. In all that concern with dying I have lost track of the living part.

My birthday hasn’t always been perfect. My 11th birthday I was chasing my boyfriend around and fell hard on the concrete and got some pretty sweet road rash and cried in front of all my friends. My 20th birthday was the day my longest relationship ended, and so did my interest for intimate love in general. My 21st birthday I went to work and came home alone and cried. But there have been awesome ones too! The past few years I have used my birthday as an excuse to get all of my friends together and make them have fun so I can selfishly spend time with a bunch of them at once. I am 26 tomorrow, basically one foot is in the grave (kidding). This year is different for many reasons but due to distance I am not able to have anything with my family and friends for the first time ever. So the revelation is, tomorrow is about me. And for you it’s about you. And 26 is going to be about me living and not anyone else dying. I am currently visiting where you don’t have to wear shoes in Starbucks, preparing to spend the next days with me. Although, i am uncomfortable with it (for sanitary reasons) the end result sound way more relaxed than having shoes on. Just me. It’s getting intense and multiple people told me not to go on an outing alone but this is about me. Not you and your cake.

So tomorrow, if you care what I want, tell people about me. While I try to figure what it is exactly I want from myself for my birthday. All I want from you is what I want most years and most days. Listen to the podcast, plan to come to a show, like my page, follow me twitter or instagram, share the blog posts, send me a message or a tweet, whatever. Because if anything is going speed the process of valuing ourselves more intrinsically it is the validation of social media. Kidding, the reason I ask for that is because I love doing what I do. I love comedy and being silly and having you be silly with me. It is what makes me the happiest. So if you like it, tell a friend, then they can have fun with us! Duh! It is a selfish thing, but this year is about me, remember? It’s a gift from you, from me, for me. Yeah, use that in a song Bieber!

Thanks for sticking through that.

Monica :)

Compliment Culture: A Story About Touching Faces

Let me tell you a story I have been holding onto for a little while. If you know anything about me you know that I have been competing ferociously to really inflict positive thinking and niceness on myself and the people around me, especially in the last few years (hence my brainchild of a podcast, the HugLife). I am under the impression that being negative doesn’t help anyone. I am probably annoying about it in reality. However, it is really difficult with SO MUCH negativity floating around. Regardless, this is a story about a nice person that has been stuck in my mind since I met her and I hope the weird stuff I do to make strangers feel the dopest has this impression on them, as well.

When I came down to California a few weeks ago I was staying with a family friend in a small gated living community for people older than 55. Every morning (noon) I would go out to my car and the same woman, was always doing her daily walking. Which was just loops around the community for hours. She smiled at me the first day and asked what my name was, I told her.

I asked her name, “Shailaja” she said. I repeated it to make sure I was saying it right and she said “Oh, I like you, you are so nice, I like nice people.”

I do think I am nice, I have a bitchy resting face but if you talk to me and can wade through the occasional sarcastic response, I try to be nice to everyone. She doesn’t know me though. You know who else was nice at first? Ted Bundy. Now, I am not saying that I am a serial killer and she is stupid for being so willing to chat with a stranger but the world doesn’t explicitly tell you that’s a safe thing to do anymore.

We smiled at each other and then I got in my car as she continued her walking.

The next day I went out to my car at the same time and there she was walking again. I want you to understand how different we are on paper. I came to find out that she was originally from India, her husband had died and now she lived here alone and was in her 70s. I was wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt and she was dressed very nicely, especially considering she was just doing her walking. We were different people, we are different. But as I walked to my car that day and she saw me her face lit up! She said “oh! my favorite!” walked over to me and then gently put her hands on either side of my face and said “you look like a baby, how old are you?” I told her I was 25 (almost 26) and she squealed in surprise.

“You look like a little baby! You are so sweet, you are my favorite little baby” she said to me.

As an adult, I would be just fine having my grandmother do these things. As a comic I immediately wanted to point out how weird this was. But on a shear human being level I was actually super delighted and comfortable with a behavior that could be considered strange. Ya know, it’s not everyday that an older women of a different culture, who lives in a different state comes up and grabs your face and calls you her favorite, that’s the weird part. I really liked it. Sometimes it is nice to know that even after all the beating up of ourselves we do, people can still be innocent enough to love others for no real reason. I was packing my stuff up as she passed me again and she just said loudly “there is my little favorite baby, Monica.” I could not help but smile.

It sounds even weirder now that I read it back to myself but I was so thrilled by the idea that people can still be excited just about other humans. This is getting a little hippy-dippy but it honestly caught me off-guard. It has been a long time since someone has just blindly and genuinely complimented me or just been nice for no reason. What I am saying is grab a stranger’s face. Maybe say something first but you know what I mean. Compliment people, hold the door open, pay for someone’s coffee, let them go first in line if you aren’t ready, touch people’s faces.

Being nice to people softens them. We are built up as hard people and sometimes we forget that not everyone sucks. Shailaja called my attention to that. Like a child can, this woman reminded me that under all the shit we stress about, life is more about touching people’s faces than not touching their faces.

You’re my favorite.

Monica

Tour Check In: Alive in the Blankets

It has been 25 days, almost 4 weeks, that we have been on the road. Maybe it change some people but I feel fairly similar. I don’t know for sure if either Mike or I were looking to change anything except for the list of places we have performed and the amount of people we knew but I feel pretty much the same. I now know how far away Fort Collins is from Denver (far). I now know that I can still be funny to 5 people in Utah while battling a drunk 60 year old white woman about general common courtesy during a live performance (thanks Comic Con). I also know that there are some great comics and cool people all over the left half of the country (and probably right). As well as knowing how they make crash-test dummies thanks for the ‘How is it Made’ show (not real dead people). I supposed I have learned something but I don’t think I have changed.

Being gone reminds you of some things as well. I remembered how fun it is to hang out with the people I haven’t lived near for years. I have been lucky enough to have met up with friends from high school, elementary/middle school and family that has lived in other states. I am constantly reminded that I have awesome people in my life back at home and that I have a great family there that I miss. I am also reminded that I needed this, I needed to be somewhere else for once. Most importantly I am reminded that you (and I) can literally do whatever we want. We can quit our jobs and go on a national comedy tour that you literally book yourself. You can vote for whoever you want. You can be helpful and encouraging to as many new people as you can meet in a day. We also have the power to be negative and constantly question what we are doing without ever taking a step to change it. We can ask people to marry us, no promise what they will respond with. We can hurt each other deeper than we ever imagined also. These are things I already knew but have become more apparent on this trip especially with some of the sad things that are, seemingly constantly, happening in this country. I’m reminded of a lot of things but I am going to keep being funny and working hard because my biggest fear is what happens when I stop doing those things.

So, for me, the tour has been very fun and fulfilling. I have gotten to ACTUALLY EXPLORE every city we have been in and we have seen some cool stuff! Mostly state capitals, because those are free. Soon enough we will be able to tell you out of half of the country which states have the best capitol buildings, rest stops and cheap food. For anyone who is concerned about what I look like or how I am surviving, I have lost 5 pounds on the tour and can still eat relatively healthy. Lots of walking around the cities and body weight exercises combined with a continually unsatisfied search for kale. It’s worked out even with us finding ‘the best chicken wing place’ in every city.

Overall it’s been great, I will say I felt oddly comfortable when we stepped into Denver. It just felt a lot like Seattle to me. Could have been the weed but that is still a similar page that I am used to. I also have some family there that have very much poisoned my genetic make up with their weirdness, just like home. My favorite thing that happened so far may have been when I walked into a venue in Denver where my family was supposed to come and see me perform. Checked in with the show runner and asked how it looked downstairs (where the show space was). He said to me “just four weird old people down there sitting alone.” Which I proudly got to reply “oh, yep that’s probably my family, I’ll go down and check” and sure enough there they were, not sitting in the front like I asked but in the second row, which eventually turned into the front row. Luckily it did fill up and I got to close a very fun show, literally right in front of some family members. It worked out well.

We are now in New Mexico, relaxing a bit more than we have been able to which is nice. There are animals literally everywhere, a minimum of 3 cats in a room at a time with a maximum of 5 cats, 3 dogs, 2 horses and 11 chickens. This is the part that might change me. Farm comedy? Giggle Barn? Lonely woman who lives with animals? Maybe.

To keep up with all the cool stuff we get to do and see you can watch our weekly videos and subscribe to the huglife podcast channel on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChqWjkvsjsiW_1Gj_ORdbJA

Week 3:

Week 2:

Week 1:

Thanks for checking in! See it as it happens by following me on Instagram or Twitter @MonicaNevi or liking my facebook page page! facebook.com/monicanevi

Calendar is more updated as well!

Listen to the podcast! huglifepodcast.com

:) Monica

Week One: Check the Tour Pressure

It has been a little over a week since Mike Coletta (of HugLife fame) and I left home for a three month national comedy tour. I figure I should check in.

After our amazing kick off show (thanks again Renton) we headed to Twisp, Wa to have a lightly attended show essentially just for my family. It was still fun. Sean Jordan was with us for that trip as well and we stayed at a river cabin that probably made the trip. Sean made us a frozen gas station pizza and we sat on the floor watching Jeopardy and eating. It was everything I have ever wanted.

Wenatchee, Wa the next night was an amazing show, credit to Alex Haley for putting together an awesome show with a full crowd! Show was great so we went to hang out with Alex and some of the audience members. This is where the Saturday turned dramatic. The people we were hanging out with were awesome so we went from one bar to another one with some music, because Mike and I can’t control the dance machines that live inside of us. We are dancing, having a fun Wenatchee time when I need to use the restroom. While on my short walk to the bathroom a 5’2″ cowboy decides it’s appropriate to grab my butt as I pass him. Now, I like grabbing butts. Usually of people I know or have talked to or have at least made eye contact with. So giving him the benefit of the doubt I turned around pointed at him and said “hey, I know that was you, please don’t do that ok?” and then continued on my way to the bathroom. It happens, whatever. Now we fast forward a little in the night to the same mini-cowboy doing that same thing to another girl we were with and then again to me. Monica is not happy now so I walk up to him facing him and tell him it is not ok to touch people like that, especially when they asked you to stop. At that point he did not say anything and just put one of his hands right in between my legs. What I wish happened next was that I reflexively kicked him in the balls. Unfortunately, I was so caught of guard that someone could possibly be that terrible of a person that it took a moment to set in before I reacted.

This whole thing should have stayed in mini-cowboy’s head and just went “there are a lot of nice butts here, maybe I should try and talk to one of them like a person and then maybe it will be ok for me to touch one.” Very wishful thinking on my part. Or it could have gotten to me turning and telling him not to do that after the first one and him saying to himself “well, a lot of women wouldn’t say anything but since she asked me to not touch her I will respect that and keep my hands to myself.” Regardless we are at this ridiculous point and what happens next is not great but I felt that it was disrespectful to women in general if I did not absolutely lose my shit over him putting his hand in between my legs. Mind you, this guy has not said a word to me this whole time, just this terrible look in his eyes that say “yeah, what are you gunna do about it?”

Then comes a very rare form of Monica that is very angry, yelling, violent, confrontational. An 18 on the scale to 20 of how angry I can get. She tags in and is just yelling. A lot of “are you fucking kidding me?!?” So we get pushed out of the club (it was closing) and people (Mike, security guards, other people we were with) are holding me back because I want to hit this physical manifestation of the Napoleon Complex so badly. Finally, they break it all up. They go one way, we go the other. I’m still very riled up so we head back to the convention center and sit by the fountain in the front. Just as we thought it was over a truck, that was really only missing a confederate flag to scream the exact opposite of what I wanted to see, pulls up. Who is it? Oh! Of course it is mini-cowboy and 5 of his much bigger cowboy friends. He gets out of the truck and stands next to it at which point I immediately jump up and run over there, really just hoping to get one shot in before they pulled me back. Nope! Mike caught me too quick! So all I could get in was a lot of “you can’t fucking touch people like that” and “let me go, he’s tiny, I’m pretty sure I can take him!”

Extreme fame has never really been a motivating part of my career, I love doing stand up, I love comedy and I want to do it forever. Mini-cowboy however, has stirred up a small part of me that wishes I was really famous just so I could calmly point him out and then he would be removed by some very large men that just hang out with me everywhere I go. #LifeGoals. Some times my constant battle to stay positive and think of people positively sets me up to be absolutely astonished that a person like that exists.

(Pause for both reader and author to collect themselves)

Walla Walla was fun! We had another pizza party but with Scott Losse! You guys, following your dreams is just a continuous cycle of your elementary school birthday parties. Some you swim and have pizza and some a boy tags you and you chase him until you fall down in the street in front of the whole party (that happened at my 10th birthday).

Since that dramatic night in Wenatchee everything has been great. Fun show in Coeur d’Alene with a drunk bar crowd and a man that dressed up like Bernie from Weekend at Bernie’s and just walked around town like that. Alone. Proving that you guys can literally do whatever you want. And Missoula last night! Great show, I am always so impressed how supportive of comedy the people there are! I was a little nervous to go to the local dance establishment after the show, since it had proved volatile before. But we went and it was fun, Missoula you are some good people. And we even went to the Montana Trout Aquarium! Which is also a gas station, gift shop and casino. Montana is really killing it so far you guys.

That’s the update from week one of the Blanket Fort Comedy Tour! Check out our weekly behind the scenes video Under the Blanket: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnXXRTA1mbM

Now we are all caught up! You are the best if you read this far through the drama! HugLife.

I Wish You Were Bad People

Dear Team,

I leave in an hour. To be gone for quite awhile, doing what I love to do all over the country. Last night was a wonderful night. I saw people I hadn’t seen in years. I did that thing that I do for people who had never seen me and I am proud of what we did. I got to have awesome friends of mine do comedy for the people I care most about. I am leaving, I am aware. I think. Here is the thing, sometimes people run away, because it is bad. My life has been bad before but it is not bad now. Sometimes people leave because someone has offered them something they cannot refuse. And finally sometimes people are lucky enough to leave because they love people so much, that the thing that motivates them the most is to make those people proud. I can’t possibly thank you enough for being those people.

I wish it didn’t matter that much but the people who were there for the bad are the biggest reason I want there to be so much good. My life has not been easy, no one’s has. But I have been smart enough to surround myself with people that I would say make this weird life possible. To be honest I wish I was a dumber person and surrounded myself with assholes, this would be way easier. Break-ups are never easy but they are easier if that person has treated you terribly. I’m not dumb, I’m actually pretty smart and that was very apparent last night when I saw all the great people that have supported me through everything, still there, possibly disappointed in my dick jokes but supporting me nonetheless.

Basically, I am writing this to let you know, yes I am freaking out. Yes, I will miss you. And yep, you are GREAT. My friends, my teammates, my coaches, my teachers, my exes, my co-workers, my fellow comedians, my family and most importantly my mom and dad. You guys have at least 90% responsibility in creating the ridiculous person I am now. I’ll take credit for 10%. I love you all more than you can know and I honestly think I am the luckiest person in the world to have so many awesome people in my life. I said the words “I love you” a lot last night and I meant it real hard.

Emotional update: I cried a little last night when I got home, after I checked to make sure no one was around. A little this morning when I found the note my dad had written me that said he was proud of me. I’m sure when I am on the road questioning every decision I have ever made I might cry a little bit too. So if you guys could start being shittier people that would be great. Just for my emotional control.

This is not goodbye, you goofballs, this is see ya later.

Love,

Monica

Monica Mondays- I Want to Cuddle With Oprah

The last couple weeks have been pretty weird for me. Maybe you too. Fairly often I get so overwhelmed by what is happening I just stop feeling things and start to float around almost carelessly. What I mean by that it I am not really doing anything or feeling anything. Over the weekend I had the chance to go camping far enough into the woods that there was no cell phone service or any of that other crap. It was nice, it was fun and as much as I wanted to be able to find some clarity it just ended up being weird. So this week’s post is going to be weird because I am just going with it.

In the past week I have been smoked weed a few times, which is a fairly normal week in my book. However, given some of the personal turmoil and stress I have been dealing with my mind does this thing (I think to protect itself) where it goes off into the most random places and dives in head first. Contrary to what you might think, my mind does not always dive in head first. In some down thinking time I had to myself, when I could really tackle the important things I need to be thinking about, I came to the realization that I would really like to cuddle with Oprah. Maybe I am running from some internal feeling but at least I am running into the arms of Oprah!

Here are some reasons I would really like to cuddle with Oprah. First, physically she seems like a good cuddler. Skinny people are the worst for cuddling, Oprah is perfect. I am not saying she is fat, she is perfect. I know what you are thinking, big spoon? Little spoon? I would want to be the little spoon for physical reasons but also because I fell very inferior to her and it seems inappropriate the other way around. Me? HOLD Oprah? That’s not what I am talking about here. Secondly, obviously we would be somewhere fancy and super cozy, like her house. I am not a sleep cuddler, I enjoy it as an activity but once you fall asleep I will push you away from me. However, I feel given the overall softness of this scenario, I may be able to squeeze in a cuddle nap if it was with Oprah. Finally, and most importantly, pillow talk. I am a HUGE fan of pillow talk and she is SUCH a good talker. I would just lay on her chest and listen to her tell me all the secrets about being a successful, independent, strong black woman. I could learn the tricks about how to have strong friendships like her and Gayle. Or how to convince a man to stay in his own damn house forever but still love you, like Stedman. I would tell her about my life and she would encourage me to follow my dreams because we need more strong women in the world to be successful and help others on a large scale. She then promise to tell all her friends to go to huglifepodcast.com and listen to the positivity I am trying to bring to the world. She would also tell them to buy our new “You’re Great” t-shirts here (mkt.com/monica-nevi) cause Oprah knows best.  I would open up a little too much and accidentally tell her about the time I saw a rock I thought looked like Barbara Streisand. She would laugh and tell me that it was just a manifestation of the internal strength I posses to be one of the best in my industry and the longevity of my career to come, just like Barbara. I would tell her I wished she was my big sister this whole time and then she would pull out a joint she had rolled just for us and tell me that she already was.

And then I realize I spent an entire weekend living a hypothetical cuddle session with one of the richest women in the world and that I probably shouldn’t have told every on stage about it at that show on Saturday. That show where I had to tell jokes and then smoke weed and then tell jokes again, which just ended up being about me cuddling with Oprah and Jimi Hendrix being from Renton. But since I let it out there I figured I would let you guys in on my little secret. Here is a visual aide, I am the Koala.

 Thanks for starting your week off on a ridiculous note with me :)

Love,

Monica and Oprah

Monica Mondays- Rest Easy

Today is rough for me but rougher for you, I am sure. It is not my place to tell a story here but I can share what is scrambling around in my brain in hopes that some of it will straighten out. I had planned to write to you today about Charleston and a post about race that is a long time coming. It will come soon but I have been given the opportunity to shed light on some amazing people instead of remind you of the horror that has manifested itself as some ‘human beings.’

Last night as I was leaving Tacoma Comedy Club after a very fun show of doing what I love, something terrible was brought to my attention. One of my very best friends from high school, whom I fondly refer to as Moses (Mosesitos if you’re nasty), lost his younger brother to an incredible fight with cancer. His little brother who I always called Baby B, cause they love my nicknames. Here is what has spiraled me into a mental space of absolute confusion: why him? And you know what the problem with that question is? There is no answer. Let me give you a small bit of background, Moses and I go way back to middle school. He has always been one of those people for me, that I would do anything for. Sure we have had some arguments and have done some shitty things to each other, like the time he left without me for a camping trip were supposed to go to together or the time I (and other people) shaved one of his eyebrows off after he passed out at a party. We have had our times but Moses is always there, through all the shitty, stupid mistakes I have made in my life, my change of direction, my painful relationships, he is always there. He is supportive, he is strong, he is constant and I love him. Moses is a man in every sense of the word, rugged, protector, in control and respectful. One of the best people I have ever met in my life and I am so lucky to still have him there.

Moses is a man that doesn’t crack easily, as I am now a woman who acts similarly, maybe that is why we get along. Baby B was diagnosed with a cancer that looked hopeless, but that meant nothing to him. I have never seen such a positive outlook on something and it was completely selfless. Baby B was one of those people, you know those people, that you are so deeply envious of their complete compassion for others, personable demeanor and all around fun attitude because it is real. The most genuine of people that actually care about others and the greater good more than themselves. When Baby B got sick he fought hard for us, for all of us rooting for him and loving him every step of the way. Boy did he kick that thing’s ass. He was one of those guys that you can tell them they are going to die in a month and he just won’t do it because he knows how strong he is. Baby B made it two more years in this fight without ever being supposed to make it at all. He became an inspiration not only to those who could connect with his fight but to anyone who even heard about it. A true testament to the power of positive thought and strength. He was impressive in every way and his hard work gave us all a little more time and a little clarity in what life should be about and how you should live it. He did exactly what he was supposed to do and I can only thank him for that.

In the wake of more random shooting violence, the loss of a great President of Washington State University and the tragic passing of our friend Baby B I can’t help but wonder why. Why them and not the shooters? I cannot wish death or pain on anyone but it is part of my job as a human being to try and ease pain. I can confidently say to you we are now worse off for the losses we have suffered this week. The world is a little less bright, I am a little less hopeful and the pain I see is nearly unbearable. I have only heard amazing things about President Elson Floyd, I only know wonderful things about Baby B and I am astonished by the welcoming compassion of those at the church in Charleston. It’s painfully obvious that there is no reasoning behind this, all I can think so far is that I want to live forever like these people will. Known as great inspirations and forever remembered as such. That’s how you do it. You live in such a way that everyone you meet will remember how you made them feel, forever. It’s not fair, I am really starting to understand what that means but it can be good, at least for the moments you have. Rest easy to those we have lost this week, thank you for changing us for the better. I am mostly talking to myself when I say this but value the lasting impressions these people have made on those around them. My life has changed because of the goodness they chose to live theirs through. Time heals wounds but don’t forget where that scar came from. Make time for those you value, time is the most precious thing. Love your people harder than you ever have, they are truly irreplaceable. Most of all just be there for those struggling, in any way. It may just change everything.

Thank you,

Monica

Monica Mondays- Post-Show Interaction

After shows people come up to the comedians to say whatever they think they should say and to be honest, most of the time, we love it. I like the attention, that’s a large part of why we do it. I wanted you to laugh and if you liked it I want to know. If you liked it. I really like talking to people after shows. Usually interesting or funny or a way to tell you to listen to my podcast. I want to think that people are coming to say something because they liked us and keep doing that but here are some things I have gathered that me and my comedy friends would like you to keep in mind.

1. Most of us are friends. This is important because at least once a show I hear someone say “I liked you way better than the other people” whether that be to me or to the comic standing right next to me that I can clearly hear. The beauty of comedy is that it is subjective. I am always going to be someone’s favorite and always going to be hated by someone. If you feel that strongly, tweet them later or something.

2. You don’t have to say anything. e appreciate compliments and love knowing that you liked it but we really don’t care if you didn’t. You don’t need to tell anyone how they could have changed a joke or that you think I will find someone to love me some day. Walking by and smiling is just fine.

3. Don’t take up all of someone’s time. Often times there are multiple people who would like to take to the comics after the show. When you stand there and tell us all about how you friend’s cousin does stand up in a different city and ho he is like your brother because you grew up net door to each other and both of your parents are alcoholics, that’s too much. Go get a drink and then come back when everyone else is gone. More often than not comics are pretty cool and will talk to you for some time afterwards.

4. Hold of on the offering of sex. Sometimes, people enjoy a person’s presence so much that they become attracted to them and I get that. But usually that person is drunk. I suppose if you are going to offer sex don’t beat around the bush about how you finally got a night out in Enumclaw cause someone else is watching the horses for the night and how I was really funny but your wife wants to know if I would like to join you both for sexual activities. Well, all your compliments are lies to me at that point! But if the horses are elsewhere I’m sure we could work something out. Again, sexual offers aren’t something to yell out while we are taking a picture, save it for SnatchChat or whatever.

5. Please don’t let a comics appearance take away from how you felt about their material. Even if you are complimenting them on their flannel shirt or how their hoodie matches their shoes, make sure you say something about their actually stage time. Personally, I would prefer you didn’t say anything at all to you just telling me you think I am cute.

I am not tying to be snarky, it just comes out like that naturally. No, I really do like interacting with people after the shows and people online but there are certain lines that are annoying hen crossed but I don’t think anyone has repainted those lines in a long time. This whole thought came about because I got a “compliment” on Thursday night at Tacoma Comedy Club from a middle aged woman that was so backhanded I truly would have preferred she said nothing than drug me down to the level she did. She was walking out and noticed the feature comic, Scott Losse, next to me. She loved Scott and told him so but did not acknowledge me. I turned to Scott to make a joke as she was walking away. She saw me and made it a point to come back and say “you were pretty good too… you are just cute enough where you don’t have to rely on being funny.” And that’s when my whole world started spinning a bit. I laughed out loud at her face because it was so ridiculous. First off that phrase in itself is insulting because again you are dismissing the material. Second, as a woman I guess I expected her to think differently than that. And most importantly if you are going to say anything about my physical appearance in comparison to my comedy please do not use the words “just enough” or “kind of.” If you just had to say it you better damn well start with “you are really pretty…” Then when you end with something I will think about before bed for the rest o my life at least I have “really pretty.” Instead of me thinking well good thing I am not even a little uglier than I am, just a notch down and I would totally have to rely on being funny.

All in all, you guys are the best and I love talking to the people who come to my shows or read what I write or listen to the podcast. I just want us to have the most meaningful encounter possible. If that kicks off with some sexual talk or condescension, let’s start over.

Thanks to everyone who comes out to shows and especially to those who have just started coming or are new fans. I love you the most out of all the fans I saw tonight and we should have group sex while the rest of the people wait to buy a CD from the headliner.

I love you.

Monica

Monica Mondays- Breast Friends

The second week of this new blog segment has already been a little difficult to come up with a new topic, but this is about me so we figured it out. Last week was National Doughnut Day and it was a big deal. People standing in lines wrapping the outsides of doughnut shops in order to celebrate a day they found out about that morning with a cheap or free doughnut. Well done America, the more you know. There are a lot of ‘national days’ (I guess cause they are not holidays too most people) National Siblings Day was in April, if you missed it earlier this month on the 1st of June was National Heimlich Maneuver Day (celebrate carefully) and later this month make sure you catch National Onion Rings Day on the 22nd. There is a very extensive list on nationaldaycalendar.com. How many are made up? I don’t know. I do know that February 6th is no longer my birthday, it is now National Monica Nevi Day, cool? Which according to the website I now share with National Lame Duck Day, Wear Red Day and Frozen Yogurt Day. Prepare accordingly for next year’s Lame Red Frozen Duck Yogurt Monica Party.

This may seem random and I think that is the point. However, today as I was doing my normal morning routine of hitting the snooze button an embarrassing amount of times, checking twitter (@MonicaNevi) for way too long and barely getting out the door to stroll in one minute early to work I came across a Time.com article about National Best Friends Day. It’s TODAY! When I say article I actually mean click bait of the “odd” celebrity best friend groups that you wouldn’t expect! And it works. Did you expect that Cameron Diaz and Snoop Lion-Dogg would be best friends? No? Then keep clicking and open up your sexist and racist mind to the plethora of beautiful friendships that celebrities have. I did click through all the photos, CAUSE I LOVE THAT SHIT. The real reason it was exciting was because I can write about that. Best friends get me in trouble, I’ll explain.

There are quite a few people in my life (maybe 15 or more) that I call ‘one of my best friends.’ 5 of these people I call my absolute best friend. Science and math tell us that this is impossible but I don’t care. Friendship exceeds the limits of possibility and also the stupidity of saying something like that. I have spent a lot of time and energy, good and bad with each of these people and they have done the same with me. I am well aware of the differences between a friendship and someone I consider a best friend. If I don’t see a friend for a year, they become an acquaintance. If I don’t see a best friend for a year it becomes a physical hazard to both of us because we will hunt each other down eventually. Best friends are the ones that every time you see each other it is like nothing has changed, you are still on the inside of that circle, forever. One of my major flaws is that once I let someone in, they are in for life. I would donate organs and give them all the money I have. I am the one who is constantly trying to figure out how we can hang out and what date night of theirs I can ruin with my ridiculous schedule. I love my best friends, they love me, it is beautiful, I will be in all their weddings and eventually live in their basements. It’s pretty simple.

Why would that get me in trouble? Here’s the thing, not everyone thinks like that. Many people, love interests, friends, co-workers have come and gone in my life. My best friends can only seem to get the first part of that right. I have lost track of the amount of arguments I have had with people about how my bffs are more important than them and that I have too many good friends. Well, that is only because they are more important than you. When we get tired of each other and your exhaustively high energy level and constant talking drive me crazy they will still be here and you won’t. I think too often we lose touch with good people in our lives, maybe that is our fault, maybe it’s theirs. I do find value in just checking in with people, even if it has been awhile. Tell them that you miss them, call them a bitch, whatever your thing is. It is National Best Friends Day, when else are you going to do it?

:)

Monica

Monica Mondays- Family Emergency

Welcome fans, friends and anyone who would read this that doesn’t like me. I decided I wanted to work on writing and bring the blog back! Weekly posts about something I think is important and you probably do not. Could be silly, could be serious, could be seriously silly. Here we go!

This week I have been thinking about the ability we have to spend time with our families. You can define family however you want, parents maybe, if they are alive and you talk to them. Some people have families they have made up out of friends who treat them properly and have become closer than family. Some people are so socially awkward that they consider anyone who can talk to them on a regular basis family, that counts too. I am lucky enough to have a pretty great family. They’re mostly still alive and I also have some awesome close friends who are moderately still alive.

Last weekend I was able to spend some time in Denver with family I do not often get to see. It was a blast! Every time I get to be around my whole family there are a lot of people running around, joking with each other and drinking a lot. It always makes me think ‘awwww… that’s why I am like this.’ It was another great time for me personally. Getting to see people I don’t get to, people getting drunk enough to answer my questions about their divorces and meeting people I didn’t know I was related to or possibly am not related to.

I had a great trip but there is always some stress around visiting family, some from the drama involved in such a trip but mostly from taking a break from real life. I had some plane time to think of how silly that idea is. It should be required by your employer that you take multiple breaks a year to visit whomever you consider family. The easiest way to get out of work is to say someone in your family died. Why is it difficult to get time off work to see them while they are alive? I am starting a movement that it should be easier to get off work to see your family now than after they die. I want to hear some bosses say “oh no, they passed away? That means you’ll have all this extra time to be at work instead visiting grammie.” I mean if your boss is that condescending then maybe you have other things to reconsider but you get what I am saying. I just think we should be easily able, if not required to visit with the people that have to pretend like they love us, before they die. I think you should be able to call out if you have the opportunity to visit with family that is in from out of town. We voted for a $15 min wage in a lot of places, I think this should be just as important in order to get the highest quality out of your employees.

Too often do tragic situations remind us of something simple like this. You lose a loved one and you are reminded of how important it is to cherish the time you actually have with them. At that point you are reminded of this only because it is to late. Stop letting silly things like work or grudges keep you from telling people or showing them that you love them. I know Kendall Jenner is off hanging out with her hot new Mom, Caitlyn Jenner, exchanging Photoshop tips and competing for public attention. So why shouldn’t we be taking the time to tell people we love them, send them an e-mail to say you miss them or make a simple phone call to tell them their boobs look great on the cover of Vanity Fair? Or whatever personal conversations we need to have with our families.

All I am saying is don’t wait until it is to late to spend time with people. And this is coming from a comedian that struggles with sentiment and hasn’t recently lost any close family members. Make it about the people you love before it is an emergency. Also, call out of work as much as you can, it is the worst and it is slowly killing all of you.

#BOOM #DONE #MonicaMondays!

Thank you for reading! Come see me this week on Thursday for the Big Show at the Seattle Comedy Underground and our Seattle Super Secret StandUp Show at the Atlas Theatre in Fremont on Friday! (There is anew tab for the podcast and for the show up above! Like my facebook and follow me on twitter and instagram cause I am cool I swear… and swearing is cool!

-Monica